Bad day.. Bad day...

Just had one of those days, where everything just seems so overwhelming.. and nothing you planned is going as planned. Ever had one of those days? I hate them.
They make me feel helpless, and lonely... and helpless... and lonely.

Doesn't help that the bitter cold here is just pure bitter.. and painful. Wind chill was about -17 Celcius today! The 10 minute walk from the downtown bus station to my apartment felt like longer than that. Didn't help that the sidewalks were not salted, and the roads weren't really properly plowed. Oh and on top of that, I forgot my hat! So my ears were hurting, my nose was running, my nose boogers would freeze everytime I took a breath, I couldn't feel my toes and my fingers... and my whole body was aching from shivers and tense-ness due to shivers.

I miss home. I miss Malaysia and its warm weather. I miss tank tops, and flip flops. And the cool breeze of the fan against my skin on hot days. Instead, I have bitter wind numbing my face, and every other part of my body for that matter. Instead of tank tops, I'm wearing 4 layers of clothing everyday, 2 pairs of pants, scarf, hat, gloves... Even with that much on.. I am still freezing. I'm freezing even in my apartment, sitting on my bed. My ice-cold feet are difficult to warm up and it makes me feel uncomfortable!

I'm all cranky and complain-ey. Probably from waking up at 6.30am this morning to sit for an exam. Okay gotta stop whining and study Neuro. Whoopee..

 

Panic: Me on Thursday and Friday.

Food: Me this past weekend. 

Anger: Today. 

Denial: After 3pm tomorrow...

This Cracked Me UP!

Coz I didn't understand it at first. I thought it was about qualities that make up a Bad Romance... But no no, I was wrong. Then I laughed.

Oh googlygooeys.com, really good distraction from homework!

True Horoscope?

Ever read you own horoscope in the newspaper that actually has a lot of relevance to you. So much relevance that those few simple lines of 'advice' actually seems worth following to you? That happened to me on Thursday. It was kinda freaky when I read it:

"Understand that by pulling back, you'll have greater give and take. You discover how good you can feel by not acting out."

I followed the advice. And yes, it was right! I guess my random reading of my horoscope every now and then actually kinda pays off huh? :)

My supposed last session with my last student of the week did not happen on Friday. I can only guess that my student chickened out of meeting me for the last time. Which makes me disappointed that people can be so negative about something that was really positive for them. Sometimes all we care about is the outcome of something, we focus so much on the outcome that we want, that we fail to look at the journey qw went through to get to the final outcome. So what, the outcome wasn't something you wanted. But when you look back at all that you achieved along the way and all the progress that you have made... does it not make it seem worthwhile to you? I guess you can never really change someone's mind once they've made it up with all the determination in the world, refusing to even budge a little bit and try to see the other side of things. 

Feeling of Accomplishment!

Tomorrow I will be having my last tutoring session for the semester. Tomorrow, I would have successfully completed a whole semester of tutoring 7 students for a total of about 16 weeks! When I first started out as a tutor. Everything was a little vague and fuzzy in the beginning, even though I had previous undergrad experience with a Dialect Client. I had all the initial nervousness. Would my advice and teachings as tutor (an International one, who learned American English only 4 years ago) be taken seriously by my students? Would I actually be able to help my students improve their English? Would they actually like me as a tutor? I was nervous about all this, but still I was excited. I loved having a Dialect Client in the past. And I loved being able to relate to my past client about people not understanding me, and me not understanding others. It gives them a little more perspective and it makes me less intimidating.

Now that I am one day away from ending my first semester as a tutor, I can safely say that I survived. And I did manage to help my students. I listen to them talk now, and I know that I did help coax their English in the right direction. And that gives me a feeling of accomplishment. It gives me warm fuzzy feelings inside, that I was actually able to help 7 very amazing, very smart, international students transition in terms of language and culture into the American society.
Someone asked me awhile ago, "Suling, how are you doing in tutoring? Do you think you're actually helping your students? Do you see improvement in them?" My answer: "Umm YES! I do see improvement in them. And although it's not all because of me, I'm sure I did help in some small way! Why?" She answered: "Because I don't know if I'm seeing improvement. They still sound weird. They're still not as fluent! I still don't understand them!" Me: "What are you talking about? Do you really not see improvement at all? You can't say that because I am sure that you understand them better than you did the first time you met them! They have improved, and you have helped them!" *That was just a part of the little rant that I went off on to the person who told me that.*

I am not conceited, nor am I certain that improvements seen in my students can all be credited to me. But I am confident enough in myself and my abilities, to say that I have helped them in some small way in their speaking and understanding of English. I see my students every week, and I witness their weekly achievements - whether it is mastering a sound they've been struggling with daily, learning a new American slang phrase to use with their friends, being able to carry out a successful presentation, learning new vocabulary words... they are all achievements no matter how small. And I am so proud of all of them.

I had a meal with 5 of my students yesterday evening, and it was wonderful. It was my first time seeing most of them together in the same room interacting with each other. I wish it was all 7 of them, but nonetheless... I had a great time with them. It was SO worth skipping class for! :) All things good must come to an end. What matters is that you make the most out of the time you had together.

Zhen, a mother from China who has a young baby back at home (left) and WanJung who's a Fulbright scholar from Taiwan

Alyson (left), the classroom instructor with Fulizi, who translates English books into Chinese during her free time. 

Kiran (left) from Pakistan who's afraid to walk around Purdue at night, and Jing who went to college in Hangzhou, China (my fav city in China) 

And... here's a group picture. :)

I learn new things about you everyday....

With the beginning of my new semester at Purdue, thus the beginning of friendships with new people. People that I wouldn't necessary be friends with under natural circumstances, can now be safely called friends. I can't say that we've become close friends as of yet. But at least more than acquaintances. I have phone numbers of some girls, I'm not afraid to call them when I have questions. I'm comfortable enough with them to ask for rides back home when I think it's not too troubling. We crack jokes and make fun of each other. Occasionally plan dinners with each other, and talk about our other halves.. and marriage plans (well, their marriage plans!). So honestly, it has all been pretty good and growing in the 'friendship' department at Purdue.

Friendships are different now though as a Grad student compared to when I was an Undergrad. Is it because there's still a certain distance between us that hasn't really been bridged? Or is it that we see each other too much during the day for every single class, sometimes before and after class as well... that we just don't really hang out after class all that much. Maybe it's also the factor of increased workload and responsibilities that we all have as Grad students. It's also possibly the fact that I'm a poor grad student trying to spend as little as possible on luxuries that I used to indulge in.. like eating out, and shopping.

The girls (and guy) in my program all have interesting backgrounds, and I learn something new about them everyday. I realized that I haven't really talked all that much about the people that I'm around with now.
Some statistics about us:
* There's about 27 of us or so. All girls, but one guy.
* About only 5-6 people are single.
* 3 are married or at least used to be married.
* 1 is engaged to be married.
* 2 already have kids.
* The rest have been with their other halves for a pretty long time!
* 5 did their undergrad at Purdue.
* 2 Internationals: Me, and Zeina from Lebanon  
* Seems like we're mostly homebodies. Only a handful are party-ers.
* We're known to be Type-A personalities... frustrated while waiting in line, always painfully aware of time, short fused, competitive and (ohmygosh) physical characteristics of facial tension (tight lips, clenched jaw) and teeth grinding.  Can't say I fit all the characteristics, but definitely the clenched jaw and teeth grinding I do.
* Personalities we have: bubbly, over-achiever, perfectionist, infectious-laugh-er, mellow, loud, 21-ers, sorority chick, smart-ass, positive-r, research-er, overall-just-smart-er, mother... Pretty diverse huh?! :)

I can't say that I've made too many Caucasian American friends throughout my Undergrad. Those that I have, are mainly the ones interested in the Asian culture. The ones who take Chinese classes with me. Or the ones that I studied abroad with. The really typical Caucasian American friend.. that I only probably have a handful of. That has all changed with Grad School! It's a good thing though. Although I can't say that I relate to them more than I do with my Asian American/Asian-interested friends... I can still be myself and not feel uncomfortable. And that's the most important part. :)

Just umm... 12 more days...

I can pull through. And sit my butt down to study. I can do that right? I can sit my butt down and study for like 10 days or so... It's not that difficult... Except that *whines* it is just too damn hard! Coz I'm the laziest person in the world. I'm all spent on studying. I can't bring myself to open up my notes and get my brain working. I'm all drained. And being a big fat drama queen.

Instead, I've been watching Christmas movies online. On Hulu.com.
Getting into the Christmas spirit. Especially since it started snowing like crazy today. And I walked outside in it. It reminded me that I really need some Snow Boots.. that are waterproof and warm. :)

Okay. Now really.. I'm going to do some work.

First Snowfall at Lafayette, Indiana!

Yeap, it snowed (and stayed on the ground) for the first time this winter season in Lafayette TODAY! :)
Freezing cold but kinda pretty outside. I always like the first snowfall. And subsequent snowfalls for as long as they don't turn to gray/brown mush on the roads later. I like walking hand in hand, or linking arms with a good friend when snow's falling from on the ground. Gives me a warm feeling on the inside when it's cold outside. I like putting my hands in my friends' pockets just to share some warmth. I like feeling the brief split second coldness when a snowflake falls on my face. I hate the wind though. Hate hate hate the wind. Especially when it's blowing really hard. 

Seems like Lafayette is a lot colder than Oxford, Ohio. A LOT MORE COLDER. I feel like I need warm boots, start wearing leggings under my jeans, and get a jacket with fur lining on the inside. It's also so much colder in my room. Maybe it's because I don't have people to huddle up and cuddle with when I'm cold in my room now. Just myself and my duckie Scrooge, and my laptop. Haha.

The final 2 weeks (and 2 days) Stretch!

Yeap, it's the final stretch for the semester. Hard to believe how quickly it's gone by and how much I'm "used" to my new life now. Ah, crazy crazy. In the beginning when I first moved here, it was hard to even see myself getting used to the "adult life" of a grad student. The life of having to cook meals for myself every night and making sure there would be leftovers to pack for lunch the next day. The life of having to juggle the many exams and assignments that are constantly being handed out week after week. The life of quiet weekends in the apartment with so much lesser social plans compared to when I was in undergrad. A life without my "family" around me constantly.

But I did it :) I still have good long distance relationships with my friends and boy and I am so thankful for that. Because they keep me sane, and keep me excited about random stuff just like the old times except we don't see each other as much any more, but talk on the phone or online so much more often. It is easier to keep in touch with some, but not for others, which at times get me down. But I guess that's life. I imagine myself as an older adult with only a handful of close friends that I talk to constantly. As for the others that I still treasure as my close friends that I don't get to talk to as often, I hope they know that I will always be someone they can call to talk whenever they want, but there's only so many times that I will be initiating calls to them.

The final 2 weeks (and 2 days).... There's so much to be done!! ARGH. Is it bad that I can't wait for it to be over?!

A Pet Peeve I need to control

I love making phone calls with friends, and if I didn't have homework/schoolwork/assignments, I would honestly be talking on the phone all the time. I love calling up friends and catching up on the latest happenings in their lives. I love calling friends to hear their voice to cheer  me up when I'm feeling moody. I call up friends to cry and to laugh about random stuff. I call Dong every day just to hear his voice, and tell him what I did for the day. I used to wonder why girls always had to talk to their boys every day, or every few hours. It was even weirder to me when the girl sees their boyfriend the entire day and yet calls him right after parting from him to talk to him yet some more. "I won't be like that. I don't think I'll even have that many things to talk about with him. Plus, after seeing him for the whole day, I'm pretty sure we've talked enough for the whole day" - That's me in the past. "Psssshhhh!!"- Me in the future scoffing at me in the past. "The you now, is exactly like how you didn't think you would be" Now, that's comforting to know isn't it?  -___-

My pet peeve: Calling people and then never getting a call back, because they didn't realize I called. I guess "never" is too strong a word. I know they are bound to call me back eventually, just not on the same day, or same hour that I called. I actually get a little mad when they finally do call back, especially if I've been waiting to talk to them. Mind you, this could be anyone.. When people say "I'll call you back tomorrow", "I'll talk to you later okay?", I actually believe them. And sit around waiting for their phone call. And proud ol me, will control myself from calling back because I'd like to know that people would remember what they said and actually call me back. And then when they finally call back, if I don't hear a "Sorry I missed your phone call", or "sorry it took me so long to call you back" I actually get really annoyed about it.

Why does one stupid little thing bother me so much? One of my many gazillion pet peeves that really comes to haunt me about every two weeks.. O_O

My Bed...

Is my place for sleeping (of course).
Also reading before sleeping- right now the choice of reading material is "Jia - A novel of North Korea" by HyeJin Kim.
Where I sit to eat my dinner and lunches most days.
The place I laze on to use my computer.
I lie on to watch movies or tv shows online.
Where I study and cram for my neverending exams.
Where I sprawl out on to "pou dim wah chuk" -talk on the phone.

I'm a a "bed potato"... especially this week.

"Bed Potato", according to UrbanDictionary:
A person who is so lazy that they never make it to the couch to be a couch potato, instead remaining in bed all day and only getting up for food, drink, and bathroom usage.

Damn! That's me that's me!!!
Argh. I hate it.

Come on Thanksgiving. I'm a teensy bit tired of school.

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard

- From the movie "Annie" 

Thanks for all the good memories 

from the beginning when we were just friends

until now.

I can't remember a time in the past 

even though we were friends 

that you've ever refused to be there for me.

Be it rides to and from the airport,

or a strong pair of hands to help me move, 

or a manly shoulder to cry on,

or trips to the grocery store.

It was always you I asked

You always saying Yes

Thank you for that. 

For everything.  
For still saying Yes. 

For the past,
and of course, the present.

Horrible horrible dream....

You know how we sometimes have that dream where all your teeth falls off one by one and you're left with a mouth full of gums? Know that dream? Every so often, I dream of not having teeth. It's pretty common amongst my unconscious night thoughts.

This time, and I think I've dreamt of this before but forgot about it. Because it seemed so familiar to me. This time, I dreamt that I woke up and went to the bathroom. I took out my retainer and teeth guard like normal, and proceeded to gargle my mouth with water. While gargling, I could feel shards of my teeth breaking off into the water that I was gargling. I freaked. And a ziplock bag appeared magically and I spit the water and shards of teeth into the bag. So many pieces of my teeth came out. It was like I was gargling water mixed with bits of my teeth. Not whole teeth but bits of teeth, like I chewed up my teeth in the night or something but my retainer and teeth guard still held them in place and when I took them out all the bits couldn't stay together! I checked my teeth in the mirror and found bits and pieces missing here and there so it looked all jagged and uneven.
Then I ran out of the bathroom and showed Dong my teeth bits in the ziplock bag. "It's okay. It's okay. No big deal," he said. And of course I freaked out even more.

Then the dream faded into nothing.

Later, when I really did wake up and really went to the bathroom to take my retainer and teeth guard off and started gargling my mouth. I freaked a little and spit out the water into the sink, luckily no bits of teeth came out.

I think this dream is just a sign that I am grinding my teeth like crazy again. And that the teeth guard isn't stopping my grinding. Daammnnn it.

I think of you when I hear this.

Everytime I hear this song,
I think of us attempting to ballroom dance in Social Dance class and at the dance events. :)
I think of you twirling me, and dipping me.

And I smile.

Happy Deepavali!

Indian buffet last night. And I ate more than needed. Came back with an Indian food baby that only started settling at around 2am. Great hilarious company over amazing food... that made everything so much better. And bumping into an ex-Sri Amanian while staring at people waiting in line was so surprising and comforting :)

And today, Purdue's Diwali show to cap off Deepavali. :D


While waiting for the food baby to settle down last night. I watched The Secret Garden. I loved the novel (by Frances Hodgson Burnett) when I was younger, and still love it. I haven't read it in such a long time, I don't even know if I actually have a copy of the book at home in my bookshelf. Hmm...

Take A Personality Test!

It can be very enlightening. It's rather bizarre and unnerving to see exactly who you are all compacted into a paragraph.


Take the HumanMetrics Personality Test! *click*

And then read more about your personality results here.. *click* 

This is me. I am an ESFJ - Extraverted Feeling with Introverted Sensing aka The Caregiver!

ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments.

The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. 

ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about. They are extremely good at reading others, and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they're with at the moment.  

All ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their dominant function demands structure and organization, and seeks closure. ESFJs are most comfortable with structured environments. They're not likely to enjoy having to do things which involve abstract, theoretical concepts, or impersonal analysis. They do enjoy creating order and structure, and are very good at tasks which require these kinds of skills. ESFJs should be careful about controling people in their lives who do not wish to be controlled.  

ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family.  

Dong and Hui took the test too!
Dong is an INTJ - Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Thinking - The Scientist
and Hui is an ESTJ - Extraverted Thinking with Introverted Sensing - The Guardian

Of course we analyzed each others' personality and decided that the descriptions really does describe each others' personalities.

Pretty fascinating yet slightly painful to see unwanted characteristics that you know belong to you deep down inside that you find hard to admit, all poured out in words.

I just realized something...

I have successfully passed and got over the "Beginning Period". Hui, did you realize that? We have successfully got over that hump of a beginnning!

All last summer, I would be so overwhelmed by anxiety whenever I thought about having to uproot the life I knew and was so familiar with to a place so foreign and unknown. A place that I would only be seeing for the first time the day I move in. I was dreading it so much. Thinking about my new apartment, my new roommate, and the whole unfamiliarity of it all was just too much and was taking a toll on everything! It is from all these feelings throughout the summer and throughout the beginning of this semester that I realized the fact that my stomach is actually able to "feel". Like really. My nervousness and anxiety made my stomach not want any food. It made my stomach crave for daddy's cooking just for a taste of familiarity and love. It tossed and turned and churned everything out too fast for normal. Then the beginning of the semester, it didn't feel hungry very much and food couldn't really satisfy it. Then, just recently, it started settling and being happy. It craves food and I actually wants to be full and content. Just like the state of self that I am in now. Content and comfortable.

I crossed that hump. Without even realizing that I have. There's no specific moment where you realize that you've crossed from the unknown to the known. Without even looking for the end of the bridge, you realize you're already there.

And that really feels good. It's always the crossing of the hump that is the most difficult. Reminder for me to tell myself that whenever I start anew, the beginning is always the hardest, after that, things do get easier and the unfamiliar becomes familiar. I don't know why moving to Lafayette, Indiana was so much harder than me studying abroad in China.

It's getting Cold!

Winter is coming. So before it does, here are some Fall peektures.

 

The campus of Indiana University. Jo and I walked around, took pics of ourselves, enjoyed the scenery and weather.

And the short trip to Oliver Winery. 

Lovely lovely huh?!

Stomach's good this week!

I'm eating better this week. My stomach feels better than it did last week. Which is VERY GOOD. Food didn't settle well in my tummy the whole of last week, didn't feel comfortable at all! I think it was all the good food that I filled my tummy with this weekend...

Had Thai food with Jo for lunch on Saturday in Bloomington while catching up with each other in person. I had some kinda fish dish and picked on Jo's very very spicy noodles. Jo, I never really told you how uplifting you are. You are always optimistic and always look on the bright side of things. You're so independent, more so than me and Hui. And I am always so proud of you and everything you strive to achieve. You give me encouragement, and never judge our failures and mistakes when we report them to you. You give hugs and never fail to lift my spirit. Love you Jo! Then oooh we went to Oliver Winery and Dong and I tasted 8 different types of wines, and disagreed on which ones tasted good or bad. Of course, he preferred the stronger wines, and me the fruitier (don't taste like wine) wines... and left with a bottle of hard apple cider and some sweet pink wine. Then Turkish food for dinner! Jo and I had Pedis.. I think that's what they're called. They're like Turkish pizzas. Yummy Yummy! Then on Sunday... I had Mediterranean with Mel and her friends. Tried falafels for the first time. Falafels are balls of chickpeas that are deep fried, then stuffed into a pita. Mine had cucumbers and tomatoes and some kinda white dressing added to it too. It was delish! My new fav.. Turkish and Mediterranean food. :)

I forgot my "Eat to Live" habit that I developed from Daddy ever since starting grad school... Having to ALWAYS make my own food, and always trying to save and not eat outside as often, has made me into one of those "Live to Eat" people. Horror of all horrors.

Condition of stomach at the mo: FULL! Finished up the chicken teriyaki and rice from Bloomington... and finished a big disgusting soft apple (it was gross). I have 4 more disgusting soft apples to go. Ugh.

35 minutes of walking

Now that I am pretty much up to date with my blogging. I feel the need to blog about every little feat, or failure that I have achieved/not achieved.

Feat of the Day: Sucking it up, to enjoy the weather, and get some exercise, I walked home today. And the walk from campus to my apartment takes about 35 minutes or slightly more I would say. I walked for 35 whole minutes. It wasn't too cold, even though it should be by now. And the wind was just the right temperature too.

It felt good walking. Can't say that I'm going to do it again any time soon though. Haha.

I found a Four Leaf Clover

I remember as a young kid, reading a book and the girl in the book was scouting around for a four-leave clover in a field of clovers, and finally feeling so happy and lucky that she found one. Ever since then, I have always always dreamed of one day being able to find a four-leave clover, or I guess the more appropriate way of saying... Having a four-leave clover find me. Finding a four-leave clover is like looking for a needle in a haystack! Doesn't help that all clovers look the same anyway. And after scouting around for awhile, all the green petals of all the clovers start to mesh together and look like  green blobs... That's why I have always had that secret thought that four-leave clovers have to find you. You don't find it, it finds you. The idealist/romantist me has always kept a look out for four-leave clovers whenever I'm sitting in grass. This time.. in Bloomington, Indiana. With the company of Ms. Joliana Yee... My first four-leave clover found me. And I got so excited. I sat down in the grass while Joliana snapped away and took pictures of me and the scenery (haha!), and realized that I was sitting in a field of clovers. Of course, I looked... peered amongst the many clovers, and almost immediately IT FOUND ME! It's a sign of optimism. A sign for me to keep my head held high..

I'm passing my clover on to a person who needs it most. I hope it'll bring magical good luck and sprinkle you with joys when you least expect it within the next years. Keep it close to you okay? I'm going to be pissed if you throw it away.

Freedom (kinda) for the next TWO weeks!

That is a huge deal in grad school, considering that I have exams like every other week. How many times have I mentioned this in here, probably in every other post. Gotta stop saying that.

Neuro exam on Monday *check* even got the grade for that. Didn't do too badly myself ;)

Phonology exam today *check* it was harder than I expected.

Spontaneously planned dinner with the SLHS girls tomorrow night *looking forward to it*

Then, Legally Blond the musical after that *jumps up and down*

Dancing with Mel the roomie after that *haha*

Crash in bed and wait for Friday to come with Dong! *smiles*

Bloomington to see Joliana on Friday for my little taste of home *YAYYY!*

Looks like the bad week is going to end on a good note and I like that! Very very much.

Today I realized that negativity and a lack of self-esteem can really do something to a person. It can really destroy a person, and affect the people around you. Sure, the 2 hour lab on Wednesdays really really suck. But hey, suck it up. We're all sucking it up. We complain when we have to start lab and then we groan and moan our way through it. But don't get all crabby and full of hate just because you hate lab. We hate it as much as you do, but we owe it to ourselves to make it more bearable to each other. Negativity really brings everything for you, and everyone close to you down. 

I guess it's really hard for people who've had so many challenges in your life, and they just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. What I tell myself each time is that if I can just get through this one hurdle the best I can, it'll all be over before I even know it. Then you'll look back at wonder at yourself, in awe at how far you've come from that one hurdle. Isn't that a good feeling? Today I learned that we should always give ourselves the benefit of our doubt and always think that we're worth so much more than we know ourselves to be. You have to give yourself some credit in the job that you do, the impact you make on people, the success you have achieved, and how much more you are capable of. Sometimes the more you put yourself down and worse, tell people about it, the more it seems like you're seeking empathy and reassurances that you're Not nothing, Not useless and Not a nobody. We all need to hear that sometimes from people, I need to hear it sometimes. But at the core of it, we need to believe it ourselves for our own sanity. 


Positivity and Confidence really does go a long way.

I have a problem.

I can't seem to keep my 'hatred' or 'dislike' or 'annoyance' towards people to myself. For some reason, whenever one of those feelings surfaces with a person I'm talking to or that I'm around with, immediately, and really immediately, people (especially those who know me well) are able to read either in my facial expression or my change in tone of voice or my one-word-answers that I'm annoyed.

My friends find it hilarious. And they always feel like laughing whenever they see me unintentionally turn away and make a face or just totally withdraw from the conversation or when I say something spiteful right back at them. The best friends are the ones that can tell just like that *snaps fingers* when I'm annoyed.

I had a study group today. Let me just say that after about 45 minutes into the study session, I had to turn away from the group and face the wall because of my unintentional obvious facial expressions that I would automatically make. Those expressions are my responses to things I find annoying and I can't even control them. They happen before I can stop them from displaying all over my face. Like when someone dominates the entire session and provides answers for every question and even talks over other people to get the point across - it kind of bothers me. Or when someone, out of the blue asks a random question that isn't even related to anything that we're talking about, interrupting the flow of everything. What is up with that? Ugh, and I hate listening to people talk with the word 'like' peppered between every other phrase or sentence. All these little annoying nothings really get on my nerves. So I had to turn away and look at the wall so they don't see the "I'm-so-annoyed-what-the-eff" facial expressions I make.

Maybe that's why I'm clippy and not-personal and judgmental towards my girlfriends' boyfriends when I first meet them. Then once I am able to discern that they're good people, I treat them nicer. Then when the boy does something so stupid and unforgiving in my eyes, I start being all formal and judgmental again when I see them. It's even worse when my girlfriends break up with their boyfriends and if I still see them around, sometimes I don't even give them the benefit of the doubt and don't really acknowledge their presence even though they're right in front of my eyes. I can make it really awkward for them, that I know. But hey, can't help it. You broke my friend's heart. No forgiving for you. Haha. Seriously. Annie once told me that it always seems like I am able to look right through a person and see the true person they are behind all the walls that they put up and it scares people like that. Scares them so much that they feel the obligation to always be on my good books, and always say hi to me when they see me, and always be on their best behavior in front of me. Now, I'm still talking about my girlfriend's boys. :) As for my guy friends' girls.. hmm, haven't met them, and haven't had to do any real judging of character and compatibility for them as of yet!

I should learn to keep my emotions in check. I tend to be like a fuse or something that gradually burns and burns until I burst. It's hard for me to like a person after I've had a bad impression on them. It's difficult for me to forgive friends when they make big big mistakes. I put the people that are important to me up on a pedestal, when they make one wrong move, hurting my feelings, it's difficult to get them back up on that pedestal again. I place high expectations on them and expect them to fulfill them, and when they make one wrong move, things start going downhill between us.

Have to keep those emotions in check huh.

Too extreme already lah, Suling!

There's Not a Thing that I Would Change...

This song "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars is my latest obsession. I think of my lovely girlfriends that make up my home away from home. And what perfect timing for that song to come on at the new Oxford bar - Woods, that the girls and I stopped at for a quick look/shots/dance.

My weekend back in Oxford was refreshing. I got relatively little work done, but no worries. It was an awesome weekend nonetheless. The best weekends are the ones that you don't do work/study/worry isn't it? :)

It was such a good feeling to be at the same place with the girls all over again. Seeing all their pretty faces... and having good ol catch-ups and huggies again. Gave me a warm fuzzy feeling on the inside. Some things could have been better, but I can't complain I guess. Not everything or everyone for that matter, can work out exactly the way you want it to right? Sometimes there's only so much effort you can put in, the rest of it depends on others and how the circumstances unfold.

Actually physically being in Oxford this time, walking the streets, and looking at new faces was very very different this time. There were so much more unfamiliar faces. Streets of uptown Oxford were changing. New restaurants, constructions, 'big-gaping-holes-in-the-ground' replacing buildings that used to stand there... there was even construction on campus, and Shriver was a little different on the inside! Seemed like Miami was changing and leaving us (or me!) behind. Soon it is going to be an unfamiliar place, full of unfamiliar people. I guess it really is indication for me to move forward and not be so hummed up about being with my friends all together in Oxford again. I get the feeling that this might possibly be the last time we all get together in Oxford again. I'm really glad we did it.

The "visiting surprise" group. 

I miss them a whole lot. I miss the apartment and stupid things we did together. 

These people I will Love for Life! 

And here... picture of the night! *singing* "And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile. Coz you're amazing.. just the way you are!"

Now back to the real life... It's good... Two Exams (again..) next week - Phonetics and Neurology. Seems like just yesterday that I had my first Neuro exam. Now we're having our second, covering material that seem really impossible to study for and fit into the sulci and gyri of my brain. *sigh* Phonetics... umm.. we'll see how that one goes. 

Got tickets for the broadway musical, Legally Blonde  for this coming Thursday (after my exams) with Meryl and Laura. I'm excited for it. It's nice to have friends to plan events to go to! Even better when they have cars. Teehee. 

Latest Episode of Glee!

Just a few weeks ago, I realized how much I miss tv and anticipating new episodes of my favorite tv shows, and it hit me, that I could actually watch those new episodes online! So doing that has been my 'break between studying' or 'break before studying' or 'meal time company'... :) It has made me a happy camper indeed! Especially since the newest seasons of shows started the week that I decided to watch tv shows online! So I've been following episodes of Glee (the songs are much better than the first season), NCIS (I secretly find Gibbs white head of hair hot!) and Private Practice (I like the characters in here better than Grey's Anatomy).

Anyway, this week's episode of Glee was an interesting one. It was about spirituality and believing in God, or the existence of the higher power. This whole theme is triggered by Kurt's (one of the Glee members) father going into a coma and the prayers his friends said for him which was turned down because he didn't believe in God. This episode reminded me of conversations I've had with a certain someone during a difficult period of life.


People ask me if I believe in God. Yes. I kinda have to. There's no other way to explain so many things in this world.. like how the world just came about and existed the way we know it. Or how humans and animals and anything that gives life to this world was created so majestically with each its own wonder. There's no way to explain miracles that happen other than to say it's due to the force of a higher power, God. Despite saying all this, I have yet to complete give myself to this belief. It's a tough one. A tough leap of faith. And I'm really difficult with taking leaps of faith. I'm too cautious, and afraid I guess.

But anyway, this song "One of Us" on Glee this week is awesome. :) Just wanted to share it.

It's so nice to be Loved! :)

It feels so good to hear..

"Honestly, Truly looking forward to seeing you this weekend."

"Sulinggg! I miss you so much la! I can't wait to see you."

"You need to figure out a way to come back to my life again permanently!"

"I miss you so much Suling Lim"

"I miss weekends with you!"

I feel so loved. :D Teeheee... 

Visit from family!

Annie, and the Baldys came to visit this weekend. It was a great weekend. Couldn't have asked for better company to cheer me up. The laughter and cute smiles of the the little girls made me happy on the inside. Holding their hands and crossing the street made me miss my own little sister (yeah, I actually miss that terror of a sister I have). Rolling my eyes and being flabbergasted at comments from Kelly (the youngest) just totally cracked me up. Megan (the oldest) and all her angelic-ness made me want to have a daughter in the future as good as her. Scott trying to be all young and cool while talking to Annie and I was hilarious. Late night conversation in the lobby of the hotel until 2am was a comfort that will be even more precious as the years go by. We talked about jobs, the unknown future, the scary decisions of whether to leave behind and move on or take the plunge and try, about boys and all their complicated-ness, about the happy memories we made in college and about the people we want to be.

I miss the relationships I had in college. But I know, they're not 'a had'. They're 'a have'. If they are precious enough and worthy enough, I will always have them. If not, then maybe it's meant to be something else. Someone reminded me that we have to move forward. Always look forward and only look back to remember and to learn. - remember that Suling.

On another note. Anatomy exam this Wednesday. Yikes. 

Lady Antebellum on Thursday.

Then Friday... dangle the books out the window for a little bit. 

Then Saturday, reel the books back in and start cramming.

Grad school really is a lot of work. Senior year of college totally did not prepare me for this!

Songs that fits me at the moment...

I was looking for a song on my Media Player to fit my mood and current life situation... because I mean, I have nothing better to do with my free time. haha.

"This is all you girls about 25. In little apartments, just trying to get by. Living on, on dreams and spaghetti-Os. Wondering where, your life's gonna go. This one's for the girls, who've ever had a broken heart. Who've wished upon a shooting star. You're beautiful the way you are. This one's for the girls who loved without holding back. Who dreamed with everything they had. All around the world. This one's for the girls..."- This One's for the Girls, Martina McBride
The beginning part.. So me! And all my other girlies who graduated with me. Maybe not the spaghetti-Os part coz we're not that American. But still. Totally talks about my life right now. haha.

May your tears come from laughing. You find friends worth having, with every year passing they mean more than gold. May you win but stay humble. Smile more than grumble. And know when you stumble, You're never alone. Never alone. I'll be in every beat of your heart

when you face the unknown. Wherever you fly, this isn't goodbye. My love will follow you stay with you, Baby you're never alone - Never Alone, Lady Antebellum
- For you <3.

"Dear Mom and Dad, I’ll send money. I’m so rich that it ain’t funny. It oughtta be more than enough to get you through. "Please don’t worry 'cause I’m all right, I’m stayin’ here at the Ritz tonight. Whaddya know, we made our dreams come true. And there are fancy cars and diamond rings, but you know that they don't mean a thing. They all add up to nothin' compared to you. Well, remember me in ribbons an' curls. I still love you more than anything in the world..." "Love, Your baby girl." - Baby Girl, Sugarland
- when I hear this song, I always think of my parents and their reaction if I ever had the opportunity to tell this to them one day. My mum will probably say, "Rich, so what? It's what's on the inside that counts!" Me: "Yes mum!" Daddy will say "So when are you going to pay me back for all the money I spent on you?" Me: Cannot la. Not that rich. I pay for you to go holiday okay not?" :D

I've been singing this song to Hui, for motivation purposes. It's pretty effective, haha!
Segalanya dalam genggaman. Walau apa pun takkan menjadi halangan. Hidup ini setia menanti. Generasiku bersinar bagai mentari! - Generasiku, Radhi OAG

And its funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most. Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes. There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind; this I've come to know. So if you agree have a drink with me. Raise your glasses for a toast. To a little bit of chicken fried. Cold beer on a Friday night. A pair of jeans that fit just right. And the radio up... - Chicken Fried, Zac Brown Band
This song never fails to make me smile and want to have fried chicken (and I don't even really fancy fried chicken!) and a cold beer with wonderful company. Chatting about who knows what and laughing about nothing real. I miss those times.

You know what they say, life aint always easy and everyday were survivors. So forget the day, its all about tonight at the school and start a riot. Be a rebel.
Bottles popping till we cant stand. You keep it rocking till 6 am.... 

We gonna party like its the end of the world. We gonna party like, like its 2012. You know that it doesn't matter as long as we got each other.... - 2012, Jay Sean
What I would give for all my girlies to be with me dancing and bopping with our hair flying to music at 45 just like we did only just a few months ago. I want to be a rebel again! haha.

 
Now. Back to more serious studying.

Things to Look Forward to...

It's really nice to have things to look forward to. Makes the studying and the toiling on Anatomy for my exam next week so much more bearable. What happens when I no longer have things to look forward to throughout graduate school? I shudder to even think about it. I guess I have to learn to create stuff to look forward to right?

Annie, Scott and the girls will be visiting this weekend! I am so so so excited. Annie's coming in on Friday which means that we'll be attempting the whole "Lets go party" deal. Which I am looking forward to, but rather skeptical about. Because for one, she's arriving at 10pm.. and the Annie I used to know (haha!) would be tired after her bus or train ride here.. even though the ride is like maybe 3 hours? Number two... Bars in Lafayette are for the older crowd, so that means crossing the river to a bar on West Lafayette. The closest (Neon Cactus), would be about 25 minutes walk away. Buses don't run to my area at nights. If we do decide to go to the bars near campus, that means another 15 minutes of walk up the hill for us. Umm.. coming back from the campus bars would mean about 40 minutes of walk! Maybe we should just stick to Neon Cactus. It's one out of two that has a dance floor anyway.
Then Scott and the girls will be around on Saturday and Sunday.. Whoopeee! Should still get some studying done throughout the weekend though (note to self!)

Then Wednesday... Anatomy exam. Umm.. this is not something to look forward to. Needless to say. Needless to overanalyze and describe.

Thursday... Lady Antebellum concert! Been looking forward to this since I queued up for 2 hours waiting for to get tickets about a month ago. Haha.

Friday... 3.30pm.. I begin OctoberBreak! Gonna go get me some love. And cram in some studying as well. Because the following week... Exams again!

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh my gosh.

As a side note, why do people pretend to care about others but really they won't even take the trouble to go the extra mile for that person? Why do we lament and complain about how that person's decision is a mistake and he/she shouldn't be doing it.. but then we don't really make an attempt to actually care that the person is making a mistake. Why just talk and talk and go on and on about the mistake but don't try to get the other person to see the light and help her make that first move?
I don't get why people talk and talk, but don't do anything. People talk too much, seriously.

September Birthdays are meant for Spesh People!

Yeah. That's right. September Birthdays are for SPECIAL people! :)

First, baby bro (Who's really not so baby anymore.. Mummy, please take note ;D). Happy 22nd! I hope you enjoyed the cake. I don't think I'm so bad at making cakes from mixes aren't I? This is the last year of your college career. Enjoy it. Trust me when I say, the 4 years of your college life will be your best. Now that my 4 years are over, I can (from experience) tell you that. Play hard, study hard, work hard, enjoy every minute of it!


My cousin Angel. Happy Birthday! I can't remember how old you are anymore. I can't remember how old any of us are anymore! Eugene is ending the best of his schooling years. And you are just beginning the journey of yours. I'm so proud of you for all that you have achieved. Trust me, girl.. you are going to go far! Very far.

Cousin JiaYen! You got to celebrate your birthday at Paris this time! I'm jealous! Then you'll have another celebration when you get back :)  Out of all of us cousins, if I had to choose the one who changed the most... I would have to say You! In a good way. You bloomed like a flower. No longer that shy shy girl that I used to bully around (Sorry!). I'm proud of you!

Mummy dear... Happy Birthday! This year and the rest of your relaxing chill years are going to be so good! :) Love you mummy! Thank you for everything. You can hone your computer/internet skills. Tips: Go on Youtube and type in anything you want to watch on the search bar. Go on Facebook and stalk all Jin and my pictures that you have missed out on in the past year. Watch all the movies you've always said you wanted to watch. :)

Ding Dong. Happy 24th! :) May this birthday be great ;) This year is full of the unknown isn't it? You'll get through it and figure it out for yourself. You are capable of so much you know that? You are more than you know yourself to be. May this year be a happy, successful, loving one. I am thankful to have you in my life. 

Unrealistic Expectations?

Why do I always have unrealistic expectations of the people closest to me? I should stop doing that. But how do I stop? The closer I get to someone, anyone, the more expectations I have of them towards me and also towards the people around me. Am I really expecting too much and making it a chore for the people closest to me?

Do I tend to look at things from my own standpoint and then try to imprint that on to other people? And in return end up being too forceful and controlling?

Something to think about.

Neurology and Language Disorders exams next week. My first exams as a graduate student. A little nerve-wrecking!

Gotta focus.

Gotta study.

Yikes! o_O

Being with Just Me.

It's different having only myself to entertain and take care of. Last year and the years before, I always had my girlfriends around to keep me company. I was never really alone a whole lot. I had me and them to entertain. And we took care of each other. We cooked for each other and had little dinner/movie parties in each others' apartments. Then last year, he and I would cook together, for each other and Jin, and then we would talk and poke fun over dinner. Not gonna lie, I do miss it a lot. I'm starting to get used to my "single life" but I won't say that I love it. Nowadays, I cook dinner on my own and keep the leftovers for lunch and dinner the next day if I can. Eating lunch every day on campus tends to get pricey, so I usually pack something and eat it in between classes or tutoring. 

Because cooking for yourself seems like such a hassle there's always the temptation to fill your stomach with whatever crap you can find. But I try not to do that because it's really unhealthy. I have an empty, un-homey living room so I don't even eat meals there like I would always do in my old apartment. Instead I eat meals in my room, sitting on my bed, watching a movie or something online, either that or talking on the phone with someone.

Sounds kinda sad doesn't it? It was a little depressing the first 2 weeks I would say... but now... I think I'm finally "used to it", I guess. It's habit now for me to get back from class, dump my bag on the ground by my bed, turn on the computer, and start loading a series/movie. Talk a little to the housemate about how our days went. Then I make dinner and plonk myself on my bed and watch the series/movie.

Then it's study time. Or at least, I try to study. o_O

Then bed time. Honestly, I don't do a whole lot after classes. That's basically my regular routine.

No dinner party to attend, or cooking dinner for a buncha people.. or cooking with someone. No playing stupid hilarious catch phrase with the roomies... or curling up and watching a movie with anyone... or laughing over dinner at episodes of Friends or Sex in the City.

When you see the same people every day in classes, it's not very often that people would want to have dinners with each other because everyone kinda wants to just go back and relax and get down to studying.

Ah, the life of a grad student! Really, not much excitement. Really not much of a social life either... tsk tsk.

You know what's sad... is that it's not really just the life of a grad student. It's more of the life of an Adult! This is how it will always be from today onwards till goodness knows when.

After all that's said, I do know however that I am not truly alone. I have been blessed and lucky to have a lot of amazing people in my life. And if not for them, I would really truly be alone. I have someone that wishes me good morning, and good night every day. I have parents who worry about how I'm spending my days. I have great girlfriends whom I'm developing even better relationships with even though we're now miles apart. I now have a place I can return to to get some love and hugs when I'm down. :)

1 Confession.

The last of the countdown.

I have too many confessions... that are difficult to put in words.

1. I am nervous of planning out or thinking about my future for fear that nothing will go as planned. Hence, I try not to build castles in my head, because I don't want to tear them down. One day at a time.... one day at a time.

2 Things you want to do before you die...

1. Move to a different country and work there for awhile. By a different country... I don't mean the US. :)

2. Pay for a holiday for my parents. They think I won't be able to do it. But I will. Hopefully. haha.

3 Things you do like...

*I guess, technically these aren't "things". Oh well.*

1. Happy times with the family. Whether it's trying a new restaurant or just taking a day trip somewhere with them. Family reunions with the aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts and uncles... They make me really really happy.

2. Dancing the night away with my girlfriends. Letting down our hair, and screaming out our favorite songs at the top of our lungs. Sober or slightly not sober.. We always end up singing our hearts out to each other, hugging each other tight, and laughing at each others' crazy dance moves. I always have the best time! :D

3. Hmm... my chagiya..! :)

4 Things you don't like!

1. Dirty People. Those who pick their nose in public. Or have dirty socks. Or even dirty nails! Or who just doesn't seem to have any sense of cleanliness. It really bothers me.

2. TOFU! Ugh. *shudder*When people say tofu doesn't taste like anything, they're lying. There's a taste that tofu has that make my tongue get grossed out.

3. Milk. Never liked it since I was 1 years old. Chocolate milk I can do. Yoghurt I can do. White milk, I Cannot Do. The smell of it makes me want to hurl.

4. People who take me for granted/take advantage of me. It's easy for friends to do that to me since I am always willing to do more than I can for them. When it happens, I start questioning our friendship and things don't really stay the same anymore.

5 People who mean a lot right now...

1. Mummy

2. Daddy

3. Jin

4. DingDong

5. Miami's AAA (for some very long reasons!)

6 Things you do before you go to bed...

1. Brush my teeth... (nothing special or out of the ordinary)

2. Pee. Always always have to pee before bed.
* Sometimes 1& 2 are done together. Haha. *

3. Put on my retainer and teeth guard.
* Just got a retainer for my upper teeth and a teeth guard for my lower teeth this past summer. Was going paranoid that my 'braces-straight' teeth was getting crooked on the top. And was worried about grinding my teeth too much that I would eventually (yikes) wear them down.*

4. Drink water. Usually half a bottle, or a full cup. Keeps my mouth from drying out throughout the night.

5. Slap on some 'White Snow' toner and lotion from The Face Shop. - only recently added this to my "before-bed-regime" because apparently according to a skin analysis I did at Sasa... I have really pigmented skin and very horrible pores.

6. Set my alarm for the next morning to begin.

7 Awesome Movies!

*this is not an ordered list. just listing down what comes to my mind as awesome movies... or more like movies that i like watching over and over again* 

1. Must Love Dogs - probably one of my most favorite romantic comedies.

2. Stepmom - i love the family interaction of this movie, and the ending never fails to make me tear up.

3. Dirty Dancing - i'm one of those girls who love dancing movies. this is one of my favorite.

4. Hachiko - just recently watched this. and bawled like a little girl seeing the dog go back everyday to the train station to wait for his owner.

5. The Breakfast Club - a classic must watch!

6. Family Stone - my favorite holiday movie. hilarious and heart warming.

7. Sister Act 1 & 2 - i know.. it's a random pick. but whoopi goldberg is so damn funny. and the singing in this movie is awesome!

8 Ways to win my heart

Aha. This is a good one. :) Let's see... I have never really thought about this.

1. I'm mush for little notes or "I miss you" texts. :)

2. Surprises make me happy. I don't mean elaborate gestures or expensive presents. I mean things like cooking me a simple meal, or showing up at the doorstep with a movie to watch together. 

*this is getting difficult. I can't even think of a number 3!*

3. I guess, knowing and remembering my likes and dislikes. But not being too "over" about keeping me from doing or maybe eating things I don't like. Sometimes doing things I don't like is good for me.

4. Hmm... being willing to listen to me. Listen to my happy rants, and my sad stupid rants. But also being able to stop me when I go to far too. I think that's important.

5. Show that you can take care of me. I am a pretty independent person. But it's nice when a guy is mature enough to look out for you, and help guide you to make the right decisions.

*I'm thinking of pet peeves that I can't stand in guys and flipping them around. :)*

6. Don't be overprotective. Cannot cannot stand that. I tend to run away from overprotective-ness.

7. I'm a sucker for hugs. I hug my friends all the time..when I see them. When I part from them. Or just whenever I feel like it. I like a guy who can give good hugs. Bear-y, warm, fuzzy hugs are the best... the ones that make you feel protected and safe.

8. Get along with my family and my close friends. That really does do a lot for me. :)

9 Things people probably don't know about you.

1. Once I start liking a person (any person), I never really stop liking him or her. I forgive easily and I make so many excuses for everything bad that they do. And I am always willing to go out of the way for them.

2. My pinkie fingers look like the side silhouette of a pregnant woman! That's what I always tell people. :)

3. When I was younger, and started the "crazy-over-korean-dramas-phase", I always told people I wanted a Korean boyfriend. And now I have one! ;)

4. I cannot sleep on a soft pillow that sinks down when I rest my head on it. They make my neck hurt.

5. I cannot stand the feeling of being lost, or looking for someone alone in an unfamiliar place. It makes me anxious and my adrenaline starts pumping even though I know that they're in the same place as me, and that sooner or later I will bump back into them.

6. I am pretty bad in directions. But I think when it comes down to my own (as you may call it) "survival", I would have to say that somehow or other, I am able to somewhat find my way around without getting too lost. Testament to that: My semester abroad in Beijing. Moving to Lafayette.

7. I am afraid of driving in the US because I feel like every itty bitty rule has to be followed when driving in the US, and it makes me really nervous.

8. I love partying, with the right people of course. I know I don't look it. But that's the hidden side of me. Aha! The hidden side until someone sees it and then it's no longer hidden anymore.

9. I was never really an emotional person until now. Now I cry (or more like bawl!) when watching movies like Hachiko. Or when watching a sappy scene in a Korean drama. Or when I get really frustrated and sad. I don't like it too much.

10 Things you wish you could say to 10 people right now...

Person 1. I hope your days are good and that you're enjoying time for yourself. You've worked hard for so long... now you get to rest and relax. I don't say it enough. I love you. 

Person 2. I know I don't say thank you enough. But I am truly thankful for everything you've done to provide for me. I hope you're proud of me. I love you.

Person 3. I hope things are good for you where you are. I imagine you up there somewhere in a soft cuddly place with akong by your side. I think back to the days when you would offer me Milo to make me feel better, or ask me to go 'bom bom'... and I end up missing you a lot.

Person 4. I miss holding your hand and crossing the road. And playing with the ring on your finger. I miss you so much.

Person 5. I'm sorry that you always had to be in the shadows. Now you have your time to shine at Miami. So far you're doing great. And I'm proud of you.

Person 6. Thanks for being my rock. I admire all that you've taken on. Always without complaint, with never-ending patience and sacrifice. You make me want to be a better person. Don't be too self-sacrificing okay? You're important too.

Person 7. Is it right for me to see you only when I'm accompanied by certain people? I enjoy the time when I'm at your place, and what I learn. But I cannot fully say that I'm one of yours.

Person 8. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not doing this alone. That all that I'm facing, you're facing too. I think it's safe to say that we're going to be just fine. :) Maybe even more than that.

Person 9. I hope work is better for you now. And there are less arguments, more happy phone conversations, more understanding and patience. Sometimes we need to give in, talk it out, and then let it go. Know what I mean?

Person 10. You haven't gotten back to me on what the sitch of things are. I hope things are good because you deserve the best. Thanks for always always being the person that I can turn to when there's no one else. You'll always be my very best friend. 

It's Raining!

It hasn't rained for almost 3 weeks here in Lafayette. Finally started pouring yesterday and its pouring today too.
Just had my first student for tutoring yesterday. Was a little nervous. But I think it went good. Today I'll have four students to tutor. Three back to back starting 9.30am and then another one between class and clinic later. Ah, I'm sooo busy! And classes have started full speed ahead... so a need to review and study every night leaves me pooped. That's why the second years always tell us that this will be our worse and hardest semester to keep on top of things. Yikes!

This weekend will be Oxford weekend. I am so excited. One extra day back in Oxbox/Hamtown because Monday is Labor Day. I miss him a lot. Can't wait to see him. :)

Okay, time to face the rain and get on the bus!

I feel a teensy bit Social again!

Went for a movie on Friday with some girls in my program (note to self, stop saying "girls from my program"... 'Friends' would be a better term isn't it)... friends from my program. Three friends to be exact. We watched The Switch, which by the way, is a great movie!

It was original, and just funny in a very natural, crazy, obsessive neurotic sorta way. If you appreciate humor like that, then this is a definite laugh. What more, with the kid in the movie to add cute elements in it..! Made me smile the entire time. Me, I love romantic comedies.. period. Can't get enough of them. When I'm feeling down, romantic movies always always cheer me up. :) Now, to think about it, I haven't been to the movies to watch a Good romantic comedy with him, I don't think. Would 'The Last Song' count? It's not entirely just a romantic comedy though. Hmm...

Spent Saturday morning at the Farmer's Market. I had so much fun shopping for fresh produce and taking in all the different colors of everything and everyone. It was a good start to the day. They had Amish bread, which may probably be the main reason why I'll go to the Farmer's Market every weekend. Amish sourdough bread is the yummiest! Got hooked on it when I decided to try a loaf of Amish bread from Jungle Jim's.

Just one of the many historic buildings of Lafayette. One day soon, I'll walk around the town with my camera. For some reason, people were staring as I was taking pictures that day. I was a little self-conscious. haha. 

The Lafayette Farmer's Market

A construction of a family made out of farming vehicle parts. 

It was packed with locals. Even managed to catch a glimpse of some of my professors! 

Vegetables, plants, homemade soaps, fruits, tie-dye tshirts... :)

Then later in the evening, my new friends and I decided to check out the Lafayette Downtown Jazz Festival. It was pretty cool except, I'm not into Jazz music to be able sit in front of a stage and just listen to it. But still, it was a good experience. For some reason, while standing and listening to one of the bands play, we kept smelling pot the entire time! It was gross and made me feel slightly sick. 

After having enough of Jazz music, we very bravely decide to follow Laura (one of my new friends) to the NightTrain swing dancing. Yeah. We went swing dancing. I forgot how much I loved it when I learned it in Social Dance class last semester. Haven't danced in awhile, but I remembered the basics. Stumbled with my feet when I first danced with some guy but I still had a lot of fun. The people there were really good at swing dancing, it was rather intimidating as a newbie. They added their own moves and style to the dancing and the girls just seem to flow along with the guys initiation of moves so smoothly, like they've been dancing with each other for such a long time. 

For one of the songs, every one went to dance floor and one person shouted out names of dance moves and people would do it all together with their own added style of course. But it reminded me of musical movies or something. It was awesome to watch! 

There's just something about being twirled around, getting dipped like in the movies and having a hand on your waist to guide you. It's even nicer when that someone who does it is someone special. :)