What would you do with a million dollars?

My student asked me this question yesterday during our tutoring session.

My answer: Give my parents a vacation to anywhere they want to go. Then save up some of it. And donate some of it to charity. A charity in Malaysia, one that has to do with disabilities.

And he started explaining to me about a new tv show in China where guys are provided a selection of girls on the show. The show then features parts of each guy's life. Then girls will choose the guys they are most interested to get to know. And the guy will then choose from the girls interested in him who he would want to go on a date with. Something along those lines. When the guy is making his choice of girl, he can choose to ask the girls two questions and can choose an aspect of their life that he would like to see on video. Sounds like some lame ass show that just makes girls look like pretty cakes that you pick out at the bakery right? Seems like it kinda is.

Then my student proceeded to tell me about how a white American Ivy-League-grad guy appeared on the show and was not well-received by the Chinese audience. Apparently he made weird faces at the camera looking like he was trying to be funny, but was actually compensating for his nervousness. The question he asked the two girls who were interested in him was: "What would you do with a million dollars?" One girl said "I would take my parents on a vacation", and the other said "I would not want my life to change, even though I have the money". He didn't choose either of the girls. He said that he did not like either of their answers because with a million dollars a person has the potential of doing something big to change the community/society. You could do so much good with a million dollars and neither of them wanted to. He mentioned a famous Chinese saying "为人民服务" meaning "Serve the People". And he really believed that with a million dollars a person could do just that.

Then he talked about how this show gained so many viewers because it is unlike any other show in China. It is about being open, and being true to yourself and your personality. Girls who are only looking for rich guys, say it upfront on the show that certain guys are just not appealing because they are not rich. Apparently, one girl even said "I'd rather be sad and cry in a BMW, then to be happy with a guy that doesn't have a BMW". I asked my student if he usually judges a girl by their looks first.. and he said there was a girl on the show who wasn't very attractive and kinda chubby. But she turned out to be so smart and clever that he thought she was more attractive than the other girls. 

Then my student and I got to discussing the differences between Asian thinking and American thinking. Americans tend to be more conscious about how they are living their life. Are they happy? Are they enjoying their life? The Asian way on the other hand is, 'Am I earning enough to support my family?' 'I have to keep working hard and earn more money for the future'. Thing is, no one knows what the future holds. What if you work so hard, and then you lose all the money you earned one day because of a wrong investment choice or something? I guess working hard and knowing that you are accumulating something material makes us feel more secure about our unknown future. Americans are also very courteous. And I think I have learned some of that since being here. I now hold doors open for people when entering a building, and do it in Malaysia when I go back too. People are just not used to 'nice gestures' like that back home. Also, in America, people are more honest, and there is more trust that others will follow the rules. But back home, things are different. You can't trust everyone to follow the rules. If one person doesn't follow, others start breaking them too and it just becomes a whole mess of a cycle. Because of this American honesty, I've become more of a naive straightforward person, trusting that everyone would do what is right, and not just do things based on their own wants and needs. In America, people want to serve their communities, and want to do what is best for not only themselves but also others. Back in Malaysia, there are only a handful of people like that who do good amongst the shadows, unrecognized by others.

Such an insightful conversation. I love chatting with my students about their interests and I love getting to know them better. I enjoy helping them work through their kinks with their English and that they trust me enough to not be afraid to make mistakes. I watch other tutors yawn not just once, but multiple times a session, and look so bored while talking to their students that I just feel so bad for the studenst. What do they think of their tutor? How do they feel about their English abilities after talking to someone who just constantly yawns and pushes them to learn about things they are not even familiar with, or even interested in, like American health insurance. International students don't really give a shit about America's Medicare and Medicaid because we don't reap any benefits from it. Reading out a newspaper article about Medicare and Medicaid changes and how they will benefit the public is not just boring, but irrelevant to them. To me even, for that matter. Plus, the article was not just crazy long, but also full of statistics. And after the student showed he did not understand, the tutor just kept pushing him and blaming him for not listening closely to what the article was about.

Why choose to be a tutor when you don't even really care about your students, their improvement and getting to know them better?

This is me.

Quotes, that just get to me.

One of my favorite procrastinating thing to do is to go on QuoteBook and read the quotes that people post up. I read them, then I think about them and smile on the inside if they relate to me. So right now, I'm doing just that. Smiling.. while reading these...

I really just want to be the warm yellow light that pours on everyone I love.

You know, when it works, love is pretty amazing. It's not overrated. There's a reason for all those songs. 

And finally... This long ass one by Bob Marley. I am hoping though that that he is talking about, doesn't happen just once in a person's life. I believe that sometimes, it can happen more than once. :)

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

March has come and is almost Gone.. :(

My birthday and the first day of Spring has come and gone. Feels like I barely had time to really bask in it and then it was taken away from me. Didn't help that I was sick on my birthday for the first time in 24 years. Yeah I am TWENTY FOUR this year. I can't believe it either, trust me. Didn't have an eventful birthday at alll.... Had a great week before the birthday though coz it was Spring Break!! And I had an awesome break away from Purdue, away from the Midwest.. away from schoolwork and assignments. Fort Myers, Florida and all the stops in before and after was amazing. :) Thank you BT for planning everything. And for being Mr. Super Driver. I wasn't much help in driving since I got freaked out by the traffic when driving into Atlanta.

 With Colonel Sanders in Kentucky. KFC really is from Kentucky haha!

 Korean Bathhouse or jjim jil bang in Atlanta, Georgia. My first time showering naked in stalls with no doors, and going into jacuzzis with stark-naked women. Women of all color and sizes and age. :P

 Fort Myers, Florida! 

 Swimming in the deep blue sea. 

 I had the best holiday thanks to you! <3 you! 

 Alligator at J.N. Ding Darling Wildlife Refuge Park! 

 Fishing!!! 

 Rock City in Chatanooga, Tennessee! The most pretty place ever. It's like a place where I would imagine elves and fairies lived. And nice gnomes and goblins too!

Ruby Falls in Chatanooga. Very very beautiful!

Now it's back to hell-time in Purdue. Exams every week until Finals week. Papers to write. 

O. M. G. Help me.

When they were young...

Every Wednesday, we see new patients in the hospital.. some young, but mostly old. Most of them had a stroke, or started having difficulties swallowing after an operation. We look at their facial symmetry and test all their facial nerves. We listen to their speech and do a quick cognitive evaluation. We do bedside swallow evaluations and listen to them swallow with a stethoscope. We watch a videofluoroscopy of their swallowing and make recommendations of the kind of diet they should be on.

For the really old clients, we hold their hand and explain to them where they are when they get confused. We listen to them moan about not wanting to be in the hospital sometimes barely even understanding what they are saying, and unsure if they understand what we're saying. Then sometimes we watch them tear up with frustration and sadness. And then we start tearing up with them.

As I watch these old people living the last phases of their lives.. I wonder what their lives were like when they were younger. Did they have multiple boyfriends? What did they work as? Did they love their jobs? Did they go to college? How were they like when they were younger? Rambunctious, or shy? Outgoing or funny? Have they been married? How many times? Are they happy with how they lived their lives? If there was one thing they would change, what would it be? Where have they travelled to throughout their life?

Questions.. so many questions.

Inspiring Moments

I've had quite a few inspiring moments this past few weeks that I just want to pen down. Just in case I (or you!) need some pick-me-ups in the future:

1. Elaine telling me that me planning for everyone to meet up for dinner at a Chinese restaurant for her 50th birthday really made her feel special like no other. Funny how a small gesture like texting a buncha people to meet at a certain time and day for someone's birthday could really mean the world to people. Shows how important little gestures are.

2. Knowing that I have the most understanding friends really makes me feel blessed. Joliana and Hui who are so willing to take a step back and never judging behind my back, makes me love them so much more. Thanks girls! :)

3. Listening to my clients talk about their life every Fridays makes me want to be superwoman and make the world perfect for some people. It's difficult enough that these teenagers have difficulties socializing, what makes it even more difficult is that they get bullied in school by their peers. Their comments of "When I visit my biological father this summer....", "We lost our house because my parents don't have enough money so now we're living in a crappy apartment", "Our home by Habitat for Humanity is finally finished!" or "My parents received their tax returns last week, so we can finally get our Christmas presents" really tugs on the heartstrings.

4. Elaine's advice: "When you're with someone, take things one at a time. Don't feel like you have to plan out your entire life. If you decide its time to get engaged, then get engaged. But don't plan for a wedding. You don't have to. When the both of you think you're ready for the next step to get married, then get married. You don't have to get engaged and figure out a date for the wedding then and there!" - thanks Elaine. I'll keep this in mind whenever the time comes.. haha.

5. Hearing a client at Brainbuilders today retell the story of how he met his wife during World War II and how he fell in love with her and decided to marry her was the sweetest thing in the world. He said he's had the best life - married to the most wonderful woman, with 2 great kids - at the age of 85 he's the luckiest man. Watching all these men with Alzheimer's interact with their wives really brings out the best feelings in a person. The wives are so patient with their husbands, and understands them when no one else can. They willfully support their husbands out of the wheelchair to get into the car - gently nudging their husbands' legs to get them to lift them; Seeing them zip up their husbands coats and helping them to put on their gloves; Seeing these old couples walk hand in hand across the parking lot to the car - I think I would be the happiest person in the world at 80 or even 70, to have someone love me so unconditionally despite my deteriorating memory, and who still wants to hold my hand and who still remembers our first date. (so very 'The Notebook'!)

6.

My Oh-so-Busy Schedule!

Weekdays really are like a blur and fly by waay too fast. 8am to 5.30pm days really are tiring. By the time I get back home, I just want to chill in front of my comp and watch something meaningless/funny/inspiring/romantic (depending on my mood) for the rest of the night. But no.. I have reports to write, articles to read, studying to do, planning of clinic sessions, planning for tutoring sessions, and some other random crap that I have on my to-do list. Then by the time it's 10pm, my eyelids are heavy and I am so tired that I just want to go to bed. I'm like an old woman now! I used to make fun of Meryl and Carla for feeling sleepy by 10pm and waking up at 6am everyday... now I'm doing the same thing, unwillingly though (which I guess makes me very different from them).

Things really are looking up for me and I am glad for it. Purdue has really been treating me well. Tiring me out but I honestly shouldn't complain. I have little to complain about. I'm getting along dandy with my program mates. I have a tutoring job that I love that's paying my tuition fees and feeding me every month. I have roommates that I can't complain about. I have a car and no longer need to complain about transportation. I have a great guy to hold hands with. I have a mum who talks to me every other night and a dad I can text whenever. And I have the bestest friends that I know I can call or email for anything.

Last Friday was the first time that it hit me - that I've actually made some really good friends in the program. We had our first alcohol party of the semester and I had so much fun. I miss socializing outside of school and class. It was nice to see everyone let loose, it was fun for me to let loose.

I know this happy feeling isn't going to be permanent. If it goes away one day, I know it will come back again. But for now, I am going to enjoy being happy and not think of the what ifs and maybes... concentrate on now and bask in the warm glow of happiness.

Purdue SLHS department. :)