Whenever I go swimming, I have secret swim races with random people in my lane, that only I know about... It's fun. It makes me motivated to swim faster. And it kinda makes me feel good about myself when I beat people (guys mainly) in my own competition. Haha.
Now I think I'm ready to live alone. Having to share space and give up some privileges that I really enjoyed for 3 whole months really is a bit of a bummer. But oh well.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Less than 2 weeks!
Just less than 2 weeks, and I will be accomplishing an item of my bucket list.
PS. One day, I should really write down this bucket list of mine, just to have something tangible to accomplish. And say *check* once an item is done.
Well, one of the items in the bucket list that I've always had in my mind is visit Korea! Ever since I started watching the k-drama Winter Sonata, that was where I've always wanted to go visit. And in less than 2 weeks, that's where I'll be! I am beside myself, and have to physically stop myself from thinking about it, for fear that I won't be able to concentrate on all that I have to get done before I leave.
Anyway, just started getting hooked on the Korean reality show 'We Got Married'. And wrote down lists of places I want to go in Korea...
And of course...
PS. One day, I should really write down this bucket list of mine, just to have something tangible to accomplish. And say *check* once an item is done.
Well, one of the items in the bucket list that I've always had in my mind is visit Korea! Ever since I started watching the k-drama Winter Sonata, that was where I've always wanted to go visit. And in less than 2 weeks, that's where I'll be! I am beside myself, and have to physically stop myself from thinking about it, for fear that I won't be able to concentrate on all that I have to get done before I leave.
Anyway, just started getting hooked on the Korean reality show 'We Got Married'. And wrote down lists of places I want to go in Korea...
This cable car is where Boys Over Flowers' Goo Jun Pyo writes a note to Geun Jan Di on the wall of the cable car.
The cable car heads to Namsan Tower!
And on top of Namsan Tower....
There's this! A fence that couples attach locks to.
Nickhun and Victoria from 'We Got Married' attached this huge lock there!
Then there's this stairs near Namsan Tower.. where Kim San-Soon and Hyun Jin-Hun kissed. And where Nickhun and Victoria played scissors-paper-stone up the entire staircase to see who would reach first.
Then I want to go to the '1st Coffee Shop Prince' coffee shop in Hongdae.
Oh and Lotte theme park here (don't think I'll be able to make it there this time around) where Stairway to Heaven was filmed.
And of course...
Namiseom Island where the legendary scene of Winter Sonata that melted everyone's hearts was filmed.
Changdeokgung Palace where 'Jewel in the Palace' was filmed.
Can you tell I'm excited? :)
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Counseling Quotes to live by
I was doing my required reading for the week for Counseling class on Sunday, when I found some very interesting teachings/sayings by David Luterman that I started to really relate to.
Firstly, some guy with the last name Rotter, a long time ago (in 1966 to be more exact) came up with the theory of locus of control. People who have an internal locus of control tend to feel that they have personal power and can control their destiny. People who have external locus of control however feel that they are controlled by others. So for example, "Internals" feel that their lives are controlled by they themselves, whereas "Externals" feel that things just happen as a result of luck or fate. I think I'm leaned more towards the "Internals".. maybe too much? I tend to think of every mistake that I make that of my own doing and no one else. And I blame myself too much, and usually take the entire blame and end up having a conversation with myself in my head about how silly I am to have made such a mistake. I firmly believe that for things to happen, we have to make them happen ourselves. But I also believe that there is a certain part of life that we just can't control, that fate/luck/God just hands to us. But whether it is good or bad, it can only change to be bad or good depending on our own actions.
There's a quote in this chapter that I'm reading.. "The shape of my world is the shape of my language." The way we talk determines the way we are thinking of things. For example, always using the word 'have to' gives out the "Externals" assumption.. that things are not of our control.. that some bigger force made us "have to do" something.. when usually, it's our own choice to do that something. According to Luterman, the word 'but' means underlying ambivalence... so if someone says "I love giving speeches, but I'm afraid of talking in front of people." Can't we give speeches AND be afraid? Why let that 'but' prevent you from doing something you want to do?
Then Luterman talks about 'Contracting' in relationships. Any relationship. That we should be explicit with our wants and needs, explicit about what we will and won't do in a relationship. By contracting and making sure the other knows our needs and wants, it helps with keeping a relationship and maintaining it. That way both parties know how long the relationship will last, what it will entail and what the purpose of the relationship is. By contracting, we are then getting rid of implicit expectations (which I am famous for). Implicit expectations are unacknowledged assumptions about another's behavior. Implicit expectations lead to failed expectations. Which lead to unexpressed, displaced anger. I learned that it is only fair that the other person knows what you expect of them, so that they can try to fulfill them as best they can, or if not, let you know that they cannot fulfill them. If we can't fulfill a person's expectations, it's only fair to let them know, and to prepare them. Like Luterman said, "We cannot be everything, or more appropriately choose to not be everything to everybody." I need to learn that. I am always trying to fulfill everyone's expectations of me, that I forget that I can say 'No', and that I have expectations to myself that I have to fulfill too!
Finally, Luterman talks about 'Projection' which is the attribution of a person's ideas, feelings, values or attitudes on another person. We often don't realize that we are doing this. I have realized that I do this most on people closest to me, my family members especially. Projections lead to judgmental attitudes, that within family ties are obviously not beneficial. I love this saying by Luterman most of all, and I am going to try to practice this is my life "We must take people as they are, not try to mold them to what we'd like them to be. Whenever we begin thinking someone should do something, we should stop and consider whether we are projecting. We need to abandon our egocentric view of the world and accept people as they are, when we do that, they can grow." Definitely not an Asian philosophy of parenting though I think. This is going to be a definite challenge for me. I'll give myself allowances though, when I know that friends and family members are definitely making wrong choices that will really affect them in the long run, I will let myself say something and then let them make the decision themselves.
This Counseling book is really becoming like a self-help book or something! And I have never really read any self-help books.. just because I don't like the idea of someone I don't know telling me that what I've been doing so far in my life is WRONG (yes, in capital letters) and that I have to start changing my life RIGHT NOW (also, in capital letters). You barely even know me. Disgruntled proud "Hmph" follow-up. This chapter might just be the reason why I keep this book around.
Firstly, some guy with the last name Rotter, a long time ago (in 1966 to be more exact) came up with the theory of locus of control. People who have an internal locus of control tend to feel that they have personal power and can control their destiny. People who have external locus of control however feel that they are controlled by others. So for example, "Internals" feel that their lives are controlled by they themselves, whereas "Externals" feel that things just happen as a result of luck or fate. I think I'm leaned more towards the "Internals".. maybe too much? I tend to think of every mistake that I make that of my own doing and no one else. And I blame myself too much, and usually take the entire blame and end up having a conversation with myself in my head about how silly I am to have made such a mistake. I firmly believe that for things to happen, we have to make them happen ourselves. But I also believe that there is a certain part of life that we just can't control, that fate/luck/God just hands to us. But whether it is good or bad, it can only change to be bad or good depending on our own actions.
There's a quote in this chapter that I'm reading.. "The shape of my world is the shape of my language." The way we talk determines the way we are thinking of things. For example, always using the word 'have to' gives out the "Externals" assumption.. that things are not of our control.. that some bigger force made us "have to do" something.. when usually, it's our own choice to do that something. According to Luterman, the word 'but' means underlying ambivalence... so if someone says "I love giving speeches, but I'm afraid of talking in front of people." Can't we give speeches AND be afraid? Why let that 'but' prevent you from doing something you want to do?
Then Luterman talks about 'Contracting' in relationships. Any relationship. That we should be explicit with our wants and needs, explicit about what we will and won't do in a relationship. By contracting and making sure the other knows our needs and wants, it helps with keeping a relationship and maintaining it. That way both parties know how long the relationship will last, what it will entail and what the purpose of the relationship is. By contracting, we are then getting rid of implicit expectations (which I am famous for). Implicit expectations are unacknowledged assumptions about another's behavior. Implicit expectations lead to failed expectations. Which lead to unexpressed, displaced anger. I learned that it is only fair that the other person knows what you expect of them, so that they can try to fulfill them as best they can, or if not, let you know that they cannot fulfill them. If we can't fulfill a person's expectations, it's only fair to let them know, and to prepare them. Like Luterman said, "We cannot be everything, or more appropriately choose to not be everything to everybody." I need to learn that. I am always trying to fulfill everyone's expectations of me, that I forget that I can say 'No', and that I have expectations to myself that I have to fulfill too!
Finally, Luterman talks about 'Projection' which is the attribution of a person's ideas, feelings, values or attitudes on another person. We often don't realize that we are doing this. I have realized that I do this most on people closest to me, my family members especially. Projections lead to judgmental attitudes, that within family ties are obviously not beneficial. I love this saying by Luterman most of all, and I am going to try to practice this is my life "We must take people as they are, not try to mold them to what we'd like them to be. Whenever we begin thinking someone should do something, we should stop and consider whether we are projecting. We need to abandon our egocentric view of the world and accept people as they are, when we do that, they can grow." Definitely not an Asian philosophy of parenting though I think. This is going to be a definite challenge for me. I'll give myself allowances though, when I know that friends and family members are definitely making wrong choices that will really affect them in the long run, I will let myself say something and then let them make the decision themselves.
This Counseling book is really becoming like a self-help book or something! And I have never really read any self-help books.. just because I don't like the idea of someone I don't know telling me that what I've been doing so far in my life is WRONG (yes, in capital letters) and that I have to start changing my life RIGHT NOW (also, in capital letters). You barely even know me. Disgruntled proud "Hmph" follow-up. This chapter might just be the reason why I keep this book around.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Don't want to be this person
I constructed my personal hell by letting all the mistakes I’ve made and all the opportunities I’ve missed pass before my eyes, like watching a film.
What I didn't know about me....
Ever since starting grad school, I learned a lot of new things about myself. Qualities and characteristics that I didn't know I had, that really surprised me. Firstly, I really thrive on social interactions! Not having close friends, and people to hang out with over the weekend, really takes a toll on me. I enjoy company, and being alone too much just gets me all depressed and sad. I enjoy having someone to come home to, just to see a friendly face and have a friendly talk after a long day. I really miss the sense of family that I had with my friends in undergrad, and I wonder if I will ever get that feeling again with the friends I'll be making in the future. I really miss going out on a whim with friends, and not really considering work/school the next day. Nowadays, it's always "I can't, I have to wake up early for clinic the next day"... I miss getting tipsy with friends and just having a good laugh at everything.
Another thing I realized, it's hard for me to be myself when I am around my American friends. I just don't know why. I haven't found a single American friend so far in grad school that I've felt comfortable enough to just be myself, to let loose and to be a little crazy. Isn't that just the saddest thing ever? In Counseling class that day, my professor talked about her Chinese friend telling her that she's the first American friend that really acknowledged the fact that she's not of the same culture, and who is actually willing to learn about the Chinese culture. The friend told her to tell our class that it is important to acknowledge that culture difference, and only then you can move past that culture barrier. Is it because people in my program don't really acknowledge at all the fact that I am not American, and did not grow up in the same culture as them... that makes it hard for me to feel close to them? To a certain extent, that might just be true. I find myself always volunteering information about my culture to them even when they don't ask for it. Is it because I speak so American, that they just overlook the fact that I'm from a different country? Or are they just not interested in acknowledging that I am somewhat different from them? Is that why I have always found it easier to be friends with Americans who have studied abroad in Asian countries, and who are interested in the Asian culture? To a certain extent, these people are already familiar with my culture, and that barrier is already broken down.
One more thing that has only just recently become more and more apparent to me... I am very hard on myself for carelessness and for making silly 'head-not-on-my-shoulders' mistakes. Within the span of just three weeks, I forgot the deadline for a take home exam, left my car key at the restaurant and only realized it long after the restaurant had closed, and tore up my Harry Potter movie tickets by mistake and only realizing the mistake the day before the movie. Being mad at myself really is energy draining. But then I call Dong and tell him how stupid I am, and he always tells me, "You are capable of taking care of yourself so I don't worry about you. People make mistakes, we learn from our mistakes. So don't worry and beat yourself up about it." And somehow that makes me feel better.
Another thing I realized, it's hard for me to be myself when I am around my American friends. I just don't know why. I haven't found a single American friend so far in grad school that I've felt comfortable enough to just be myself, to let loose and to be a little crazy. Isn't that just the saddest thing ever? In Counseling class that day, my professor talked about her Chinese friend telling her that she's the first American friend that really acknowledged the fact that she's not of the same culture, and who is actually willing to learn about the Chinese culture. The friend told her to tell our class that it is important to acknowledge that culture difference, and only then you can move past that culture barrier. Is it because people in my program don't really acknowledge at all the fact that I am not American, and did not grow up in the same culture as them... that makes it hard for me to feel close to them? To a certain extent, that might just be true. I find myself always volunteering information about my culture to them even when they don't ask for it. Is it because I speak so American, that they just overlook the fact that I'm from a different country? Or are they just not interested in acknowledging that I am somewhat different from them? Is that why I have always found it easier to be friends with Americans who have studied abroad in Asian countries, and who are interested in the Asian culture? To a certain extent, these people are already familiar with my culture, and that barrier is already broken down.
One more thing that has only just recently become more and more apparent to me... I am very hard on myself for carelessness and for making silly 'head-not-on-my-shoulders' mistakes. Within the span of just three weeks, I forgot the deadline for a take home exam, left my car key at the restaurant and only realized it long after the restaurant had closed, and tore up my Harry Potter movie tickets by mistake and only realizing the mistake the day before the movie. Being mad at myself really is energy draining. But then I call Dong and tell him how stupid I am, and he always tells me, "You are capable of taking care of yourself so I don't worry about you. People make mistakes, we learn from our mistakes. So don't worry and beat yourself up about it." And somehow that makes me feel better.
Sometimes, contentment is a matter of will.
You have to look at what you have right in front of you, at what it could be, and stop measuring it against what you've lost.
I know this to be wise and true, just as I know that pretty much no one can do it.
I know this to be wise and true, just as I know that pretty much no one can do it.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Future Purdue Speechies..
The peeps that I've been seeing everyday for the last year, everyday this summer, and will see everyday for the next year... Future Purdue Speechies! :)
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
As if we never said Goodbye...
Spent two weekends in Chicago so far this summer. The title of this post says it all. These people are my family. I am myself around them. I so miss us dancing together to loud music and singing our hearts out at each other. Ending with a round of hugs and us twirling each other around.. then moving on to the next song and doing it over again. I miss that. They say as you get older, sometimes the more alone you get. But I know even though I may not have all of you around me as we get older, I know that you're all just a phone call away or a holiday vacation trip away.
I know I've been a crazy 'Monica' sister this summer. Without you, my 3 bedroom apartment would have been horribly lonely.
It was just like freshman year all over again. Except Hui wasn't around.. :(
Fooling around in the Pepsi booth at Taste of Chicago.. I had a gally-ho 4th of July thanks to the 4 of you! :)
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Winds of Change
I was swimming yesterday and while swimming, composed an awesome but funny post in my mind. It was about the thoughts that run through my mind while sharing a swim lane with other people. When you're sharing it with a group of Chinese guys, they always swim together and reach the end of the lane at the same time then start talking to each other while occupying the end of the lane. And here I am swimming towards the end of the lane, with nowhere to stand when I get to end. So I awkwardly have to stop swimming right in front of them and move to the side to catch my breath. It's either that, or I squeeze between/at the side of them at the end of the lane, the whole time feeling too close to them for comfort. Yesterday though, there was a girl that I had to share a lane with. Maybe a woman? I don't know. My first thought when I saw here was "Oh a girl" (she was wearing a black swim suit, the kind with the back cut-outs, and a white swim cap). Then I started swimming, minding my own business. I get to the end of the lane and she's standing right there looking at me. I look back at her, give a brief smile, and my first thought "Oh, it's a man with a white swim cap on". (I don't wear my contacts when swimming so everything is a little of a blur to me). I swear that woman/girl looked like a man/guy! My whole 45 minutes of swimming was spent swimming of course, and me going back and forth in my mind whether or not she was a man or a woman. I would swim past her/him (she/he swam really slowly!) and glance to the side at her, and of course she was wearing a swim suit. Guys don't wear swim suits! But her face looked like a man's! And I think I saw hints of facial hair?? So yeah, my mind was totally entertaining myself the entire 45 minutes of my swim.
Now that I've mentioned that crappy lame-ass story, that probably isn't funny at all except to me... it's time for something more serious. The Bersih 2.0 Rally. I don't have much to say about it except that I support it. What is there to not support?
1. Clean the electoral roll (Phantom voters used to sway the votes to the direction of the government is just plain dirty!)
2. Reform postal ballot (I have the right to vote even though I'm overseas!)
3. Use of indelible ink (This is only for the good of all elections!)
4. Minimum 21 days campaign period (For us to make sound decisions and learn about the people we choose to elect!)
5. Free and fair access to the media (any Malaysian will tell you that we need this, and no. 6, 7 and 8))
6. Strengthen public institutions (institutions like the judiciary, Malaysian's anti corruption agencies and the police, should not be biased and be controlled by the government to act a certain way. What is the use of having these institutions then? We might as well just let the government make decisions for everything straight up, instead of going through a puppet institution!)
7. Stop corruption (Every country who has been suffering in the hands of a corrupt government will support this, unless they have been one of the corrupt people themselves!)
8. Stop dirty politics (I am so tired of politicians playing the race card to justify every corrupt move they make just to allow them to stay in power. Politicians forget that they should be working towards the good of the citizens, towards a greater cause than themselves. Being in politics is not about being in power, but being the voice of the rakyat and making decisions for the betterment of the country. Don't go playing the race card like a dumbass. We don't live in a primitive society where everything is about race!)
I'm no good at really understanding politics and talking about it. And honestly I am not even going to pretend that I am. Politics just don't stick in my head. I don't know if it ever will. All I know is that Malaysia needs a government that listens to its people, and seriously, a government that stops playing the race card for everything! No more dirty politics just to stay in power. It's not about you and staying in power, it's about all of us, the people. Stop ruining the country. That's all I have to say.
Now that I've mentioned that crappy lame-ass story, that probably isn't funny at all except to me... it's time for something more serious. The Bersih 2.0 Rally. I don't have much to say about it except that I support it. What is there to not support?
1. Clean the electoral roll (Phantom voters used to sway the votes to the direction of the government is just plain dirty!)
2. Reform postal ballot (I have the right to vote even though I'm overseas!)
3. Use of indelible ink (This is only for the good of all elections!)
4. Minimum 21 days campaign period (For us to make sound decisions and learn about the people we choose to elect!)
5. Free and fair access to the media (any Malaysian will tell you that we need this, and no. 6, 7 and 8))
6. Strengthen public institutions (institutions like the judiciary, Malaysian's anti corruption agencies and the police, should not be biased and be controlled by the government to act a certain way. What is the use of having these institutions then? We might as well just let the government make decisions for everything straight up, instead of going through a puppet institution!)
7. Stop corruption (Every country who has been suffering in the hands of a corrupt government will support this, unless they have been one of the corrupt people themselves!)
8. Stop dirty politics (I am so tired of politicians playing the race card to justify every corrupt move they make just to allow them to stay in power. Politicians forget that they should be working towards the good of the citizens, towards a greater cause than themselves. Being in politics is not about being in power, but being the voice of the rakyat and making decisions for the betterment of the country. Don't go playing the race card like a dumbass. We don't live in a primitive society where everything is about race!)
I'm no good at really understanding politics and talking about it. And honestly I am not even going to pretend that I am. Politics just don't stick in my head. I don't know if it ever will. All I know is that Malaysia needs a government that listens to its people, and seriously, a government that stops playing the race card for everything! No more dirty politics just to stay in power. It's not about you and staying in power, it's about all of us, the people. Stop ruining the country. That's all I have to say.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Busy busy summer!
Who knew how busy the summer would be!! Definitely expected a more relaxed summer, what with only 2 classes. Clinic everyday definitely makes up for the time that would usually be spent in class. It really is a task having to juggle so many lesson plans and reports for every single day. On top of that I also have to remember all the deadlines for class assignments, and make therapy materials! Really am a busy bee this summer!!
Blogging has had to take a back seat. Maybe, once I finish up my model of a paper spin-wheel, tiger paper-bag puppet, make visuals of animals, final reports for clinic, write my paper about the book I had to read, and finish up all my other random stuff this weekend, I can take a break and blog??
Really need to get organized with my life.
Dong just told me something he read online, about a study that some university in California just did... they found that people who are 'planners' who always needs to have a plan aren't very happy people. Those who live day by day, who don't have to always abide by a plan are happier people overall. That's good to know, considering I haven't been a very good planner this summer. Usually I'm all about looking ahead and starting assignments a few weeks before. But this summer, that's not how it's going for me. I'm going to start writing my paper (that is due next Wednesday) this weekend!!! That is considered pretty much last-minute work for me! Yikes! What is happening!
This is probably the most boring post I've ever written.
Blogging has had to take a back seat. Maybe, once I finish up my model of a paper spin-wheel, tiger paper-bag puppet, make visuals of animals, final reports for clinic, write my paper about the book I had to read, and finish up all my other random stuff this weekend, I can take a break and blog??
Really need to get organized with my life.
Dong just told me something he read online, about a study that some university in California just did... they found that people who are 'planners' who always needs to have a plan aren't very happy people. Those who live day by day, who don't have to always abide by a plan are happier people overall. That's good to know, considering I haven't been a very good planner this summer. Usually I'm all about looking ahead and starting assignments a few weeks before. But this summer, that's not how it's going for me. I'm going to start writing my paper (that is due next Wednesday) this weekend!!! That is considered pretty much last-minute work for me! Yikes! What is happening!
This is probably the most boring post I've ever written.
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