These few days, worrying about my visa documents have really taken a toll on me. It's constantly on my mind and I am constantly trying to map out a timeline for what I should do once I get my documents. I am such a worry wart, it drives me crazy. I think and think and worry and worry about something until I get it done. I don't know why. Frantic phonecalls to and from Hui and frantic emails and phonecalls to the US every other night is horrible! Seriously, can the documents come already??! It's taken long enough!
I am scared to go back to the US which is very very unlike me. I am always the kind who is excited to start somewhere new and experience new things. But this time, I am so nervous, I don't have the time to feel excited. Going back to the US means that I have to figure out move-in to my new apartment in Purdue (which by the way, the girl I am planning to live with hasn't made up her mind about me yet)... I have to get some furniture. I have to unpack luggage. I have to learn how to move around by myself around Purdue and we all know how horrible my sense of directions are. I guess I have to do the whole *use the same route every day until I am familiar enough to branch out and take shortcuts*. I have to make friends and get to know people all over again... But I guess it is about time for a change right? It is about time I get out of the Oxford bubble and get out into the world again. It is about time I get to know new people instead of being too comfortable with the ones I know I can count on. It's about time I do some real clinic work regarding my major and step up to the plate in facing the future.
It is all very scary thoughts and my heart races whenever I think about it. I know this nervousness will change into excitement once everything settles down (once I get my freaking visa documents!) I mean, what am I even nervous about? I have 'home' just 3 hours away from Purdue anyway... nothing to worry about. When things get a little rough and I need a break, it is comforting to know that 'home' is just 3 hours away.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
It's the Summer and I haven't Blogged at all!
Yeah, been really neglecting this blog that has been my vent for emotions for the past few months. I feel bad. I am so so so bad at getting online when I am back home in Malaysia. I'm just not the workaholic that some people are (*cough* hui) and I always associate work and 'annoying things that I have to do' with getting online. I know, it also means keeping in touch with friends, and gaining information, reading the news and all.... Coming back to Malaysia means to me... dinners with family, tv time with my favourite shows that I rarely get to watch when back in the US, chores around the house and for the parents, meeting friends and extended family that I only get to see once a year. Maybe it's because coming home, I have so much more to think about and consider other than just myself and my life. It's different back home, there's other people that I have to think about.
Who am I kidding, I'm just making excuses for neglecting my blog.
These few months since after graduation has been months of contemplation for me.
So... what now? I'm a fresh graduate. Just like millions other people on this planet.
....What now?
.........No idea.
...............I'd like to proudly announce that "The world is my oyster!".
I'm naive. But not as naive as that.
Fact is. I'm nervous as hell.
Yeah yeah, I got into grad school.
Now I'm nervous with starting grad school.
First, I have to get my visa. That's a pain in a butt in itself.
My mum and I had "one of those days" a few days ago that made me realize something very important. I mean, I've always known it, but it just hit me all of a sudden that day. She misses me. She really misses me and my brother when we go back to the US. She won't upfront admit it though, she does it in her own way. Back in the US, I get so busy with the life that I have made for myself that I didn't have the time to Skype her, and it hurt her. Sure I call her every other day, but she doesn't get to see me through phone calls, and I never realized how important it was to her to be able to see me. I was so busy with what I wanted to do, with plans that I have made, everything I, never her. Note to self, Skype with mummy more :)
As someone reminded me "You can't stand not seeing him everyday, but for our parents, we're content with just seeing them once a year".
Just something to think about.
Who am I kidding, I'm just making excuses for neglecting my blog.
These few months since after graduation has been months of contemplation for me.
So... what now? I'm a fresh graduate. Just like millions other people on this planet.
....What now?
.........No idea.
...............I'd like to proudly announce that "The world is my oyster!".
I'm naive. But not as naive as that.
Fact is. I'm nervous as hell.
Yeah yeah, I got into grad school.
Now I'm nervous with starting grad school.
First, I have to get my visa. That's a pain in a butt in itself.
My mum and I had "one of those days" a few days ago that made me realize something very important. I mean, I've always known it, but it just hit me all of a sudden that day. She misses me. She really misses me and my brother when we go back to the US. She won't upfront admit it though, she does it in her own way. Back in the US, I get so busy with the life that I have made for myself that I didn't have the time to Skype her, and it hurt her. Sure I call her every other day, but she doesn't get to see me through phone calls, and I never realized how important it was to her to be able to see me. I was so busy with what I wanted to do, with plans that I have made, everything I, never her. Note to self, Skype with mummy more :)
As someone reminded me "You can't stand not seeing him everyday, but for our parents, we're content with just seeing them once a year".
Just something to think about.
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