Everyone's getting married!

This time, being home made me realized that a lot of things have changed. Prices seemed to have zoom up since the last time I've been home. Shopping is just so much more expensive now. There are much more cars out on the road. Political situation at home isn't getting that much better. And guess what. This year, people around me are getting married. Really. Seems like we're (or I'm) now at that age where, I guess it's time for people to settle down with a significant other. In my opinion, it is still too early for me to think about marriage... but I guess views vary. To be fair, those around me getting married are older than me. Well, except a few.

My cousin, Rachel, is getting married in July in San Francisco. She's moving there with her future husband-to-be for good. She found such a wonderful man to take care of her and be by her side for all the good and bad days to come. But yet, when we had dinner with her the night before she was supposed to leave, I couldn't help but feel a little sad that she has to leave. Growing up, we weren't the closest but I always looked up to her strong personality and her ability to live away from home in Singapore ever since she was young. She's a confident person and is confident with her opinions. Over the years, she has grown a lot and now she's tying the knot, and moving away from the Lim family. Hugging her goodbye, even though knowing that I will be seeing her again, I realized that it is going to be tough to get the Lim clan all together in one place again. I do wish her all the best though. She's the first of the Lim cousins to get married... and we're all so proud and happy for her.

Another cousin of mine, a doctor (on my mum's side) is getting married next March. And of course, I won't be there. I know he's been looking forward to this day... and even though I haven't met his future wife (probably will next month) I'm sure she's lovely. She's a very lucky girl. He's smart, good looking, a doctor (you know how we females always think "Oooh Doctor!") and he's really a good guy. He always took the time to play and spend time with my brother and I as we were growing up. I'm so happy for him.

The best friend is also getting engaged in Sept of this year and getting married next October. How crazy is that. Of course I'm happy for her. Can anyone ever say they're not happy for the person getting married? Especially when it's family or good friends. For selfish reasons, usually if it's someone close I am inside a little sad. Because marriage kinda seems like a sign that things may change. Maybe it's also because I'm not yet jumping on the same boat, that it somehow makes me scared that our relationship might change. I know it's a silly thought. But still can't help thinking like that. Of course, even though the circumstances around each of us might be different, doesn't mean the relationship will change for the worse.

It still baffles me that we're at that stage of life where we tend to think about serious things such as marriage. I don't think I'm ready for all that at all. Maybe in a couple of years. But not now. I think I've inherited some cynical and nervousness for the unknown genes from my mum maybe? Why am I still talking about this again?  

I'm a Graduate

I'm back in Malaysia now. Sitting in the very messy study room trying to blog about how I feel about being a fresh graduate. When I was a young girl, I never could see that far into the future and think about being a graduate from university. It was too difficult a picture to visualize. But here I am. A fresh graduate. And it feels weird. Being home feels weird. It is good. But still weird. After 4 years of living on my own in the US, it is difficult to once again be back and be living with the parents. Any decision I make doesn't just involve me.. but involves the whole house. o_o

Graduation weekend was a helluva weekend. Things were so hectic and I barely even had time to breathe. What with the moving out, packing, layaning the parents, meeting the friends' parents, oh and of course graduating...!! It was a crazy weekend. I had 4-5 hours of sleep every night from Thursday till Monday. And of course had to fall sick in the midst of it. - made the weekend so much better.. Not! I've always wanted my parents to see Oxford and to see Miami University.. I wanted them to see the way the bro and I live. Eat at the places we eat, see the places we see when we walk to class, see the place we work, meet the friends we know. That was the nice part of having them around. I think they now understand the inconveniences of living in a small town, as well as the happy side of living in a small town.

Graduation really is a bittersweet event. Sweet because it means that I finally managed to earn a college degree (I don't care what people say about it just being a piece of paper. It's a piece of paper that symbolizes the fact that the 4 years of me working hard, and parents spending money on me was worth it!). Bitter because it means that I have to close yet another chapter of my life. I have to seal relationships that I have made all throughout my 4 years. Who knows when I will see most of friends I've made again? Throughout the 4 years, some relationships have blossomed and grown. Some somehow unwillingly withered and there's no common ground anymore. Some was hurt towards the end without wanting it to. But I guess that's how relationships go.

It's time for a new beginning after the end of this summer. Graduate School in Purdue. Making friends all over again. Having to get used to a different life again. Alone. Because even though I'll be only 3 hours away from Oxford. He won't be around every day to save me anymore. Will I get used to it? Will it be too hard? Then there's always the question of will I be able to find friends? Will I love the program? Will I be able to start it all again on my own? Why must beginnings be so difficult?

A more happy, optimistic post to come... :D