Songs that fits me at the moment...

I was looking for a song on my Media Player to fit my mood and current life situation... because I mean, I have nothing better to do with my free time. haha.

"This is all you girls about 25. In little apartments, just trying to get by. Living on, on dreams and spaghetti-Os. Wondering where, your life's gonna go. This one's for the girls, who've ever had a broken heart. Who've wished upon a shooting star. You're beautiful the way you are. This one's for the girls who loved without holding back. Who dreamed with everything they had. All around the world. This one's for the girls..."- This One's for the Girls, Martina McBride
The beginning part.. So me! And all my other girlies who graduated with me. Maybe not the spaghetti-Os part coz we're not that American. But still. Totally talks about my life right now. haha.

May your tears come from laughing. You find friends worth having, with every year passing they mean more than gold. May you win but stay humble. Smile more than grumble. And know when you stumble, You're never alone. Never alone. I'll be in every beat of your heart

when you face the unknown. Wherever you fly, this isn't goodbye. My love will follow you stay with you, Baby you're never alone - Never Alone, Lady Antebellum
- For you <3.

"Dear Mom and Dad, I’ll send money. I’m so rich that it ain’t funny. It oughtta be more than enough to get you through. "Please don’t worry 'cause I’m all right, I’m stayin’ here at the Ritz tonight. Whaddya know, we made our dreams come true. And there are fancy cars and diamond rings, but you know that they don't mean a thing. They all add up to nothin' compared to you. Well, remember me in ribbons an' curls. I still love you more than anything in the world..." "Love, Your baby girl." - Baby Girl, Sugarland
- when I hear this song, I always think of my parents and their reaction if I ever had the opportunity to tell this to them one day. My mum will probably say, "Rich, so what? It's what's on the inside that counts!" Me: "Yes mum!" Daddy will say "So when are you going to pay me back for all the money I spent on you?" Me: Cannot la. Not that rich. I pay for you to go holiday okay not?" :D

I've been singing this song to Hui, for motivation purposes. It's pretty effective, haha!
Segalanya dalam genggaman. Walau apa pun takkan menjadi halangan. Hidup ini setia menanti. Generasiku bersinar bagai mentari! - Generasiku, Radhi OAG

And its funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most. Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes. There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind; this I've come to know. So if you agree have a drink with me. Raise your glasses for a toast. To a little bit of chicken fried. Cold beer on a Friday night. A pair of jeans that fit just right. And the radio up... - Chicken Fried, Zac Brown Band
This song never fails to make me smile and want to have fried chicken (and I don't even really fancy fried chicken!) and a cold beer with wonderful company. Chatting about who knows what and laughing about nothing real. I miss those times.

You know what they say, life aint always easy and everyday were survivors. So forget the day, its all about tonight at the school and start a riot. Be a rebel.
Bottles popping till we cant stand. You keep it rocking till 6 am.... 

We gonna party like its the end of the world. We gonna party like, like its 2012. You know that it doesn't matter as long as we got each other.... - 2012, Jay Sean
What I would give for all my girlies to be with me dancing and bopping with our hair flying to music at 45 just like we did only just a few months ago. I want to be a rebel again! haha.

 
Now. Back to more serious studying.

Things to Look Forward to...

It's really nice to have things to look forward to. Makes the studying and the toiling on Anatomy for my exam next week so much more bearable. What happens when I no longer have things to look forward to throughout graduate school? I shudder to even think about it. I guess I have to learn to create stuff to look forward to right?

Annie, Scott and the girls will be visiting this weekend! I am so so so excited. Annie's coming in on Friday which means that we'll be attempting the whole "Lets go party" deal. Which I am looking forward to, but rather skeptical about. Because for one, she's arriving at 10pm.. and the Annie I used to know (haha!) would be tired after her bus or train ride here.. even though the ride is like maybe 3 hours? Number two... Bars in Lafayette are for the older crowd, so that means crossing the river to a bar on West Lafayette. The closest (Neon Cactus), would be about 25 minutes walk away. Buses don't run to my area at nights. If we do decide to go to the bars near campus, that means another 15 minutes of walk up the hill for us. Umm.. coming back from the campus bars would mean about 40 minutes of walk! Maybe we should just stick to Neon Cactus. It's one out of two that has a dance floor anyway.
Then Scott and the girls will be around on Saturday and Sunday.. Whoopeee! Should still get some studying done throughout the weekend though (note to self!)

Then Wednesday... Anatomy exam. Umm.. this is not something to look forward to. Needless to say. Needless to overanalyze and describe.

Thursday... Lady Antebellum concert! Been looking forward to this since I queued up for 2 hours waiting for to get tickets about a month ago. Haha.

Friday... 3.30pm.. I begin OctoberBreak! Gonna go get me some love. And cram in some studying as well. Because the following week... Exams again!

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh my gosh.

As a side note, why do people pretend to care about others but really they won't even take the trouble to go the extra mile for that person? Why do we lament and complain about how that person's decision is a mistake and he/she shouldn't be doing it.. but then we don't really make an attempt to actually care that the person is making a mistake. Why just talk and talk and go on and on about the mistake but don't try to get the other person to see the light and help her make that first move?
I don't get why people talk and talk, but don't do anything. People talk too much, seriously.

September Birthdays are meant for Spesh People!

Yeah. That's right. September Birthdays are for SPECIAL people! :)

First, baby bro (Who's really not so baby anymore.. Mummy, please take note ;D). Happy 22nd! I hope you enjoyed the cake. I don't think I'm so bad at making cakes from mixes aren't I? This is the last year of your college career. Enjoy it. Trust me when I say, the 4 years of your college life will be your best. Now that my 4 years are over, I can (from experience) tell you that. Play hard, study hard, work hard, enjoy every minute of it!


My cousin Angel. Happy Birthday! I can't remember how old you are anymore. I can't remember how old any of us are anymore! Eugene is ending the best of his schooling years. And you are just beginning the journey of yours. I'm so proud of you for all that you have achieved. Trust me, girl.. you are going to go far! Very far.

Cousin JiaYen! You got to celebrate your birthday at Paris this time! I'm jealous! Then you'll have another celebration when you get back :)  Out of all of us cousins, if I had to choose the one who changed the most... I would have to say You! In a good way. You bloomed like a flower. No longer that shy shy girl that I used to bully around (Sorry!). I'm proud of you!

Mummy dear... Happy Birthday! This year and the rest of your relaxing chill years are going to be so good! :) Love you mummy! Thank you for everything. You can hone your computer/internet skills. Tips: Go on Youtube and type in anything you want to watch on the search bar. Go on Facebook and stalk all Jin and my pictures that you have missed out on in the past year. Watch all the movies you've always said you wanted to watch. :)

Ding Dong. Happy 24th! :) May this birthday be great ;) This year is full of the unknown isn't it? You'll get through it and figure it out for yourself. You are capable of so much you know that? You are more than you know yourself to be. May this year be a happy, successful, loving one. I am thankful to have you in my life. 

Unrealistic Expectations?

Why do I always have unrealistic expectations of the people closest to me? I should stop doing that. But how do I stop? The closer I get to someone, anyone, the more expectations I have of them towards me and also towards the people around me. Am I really expecting too much and making it a chore for the people closest to me?

Do I tend to look at things from my own standpoint and then try to imprint that on to other people? And in return end up being too forceful and controlling?

Something to think about.

Neurology and Language Disorders exams next week. My first exams as a graduate student. A little nerve-wrecking!

Gotta focus.

Gotta study.

Yikes! o_O

Being with Just Me.

It's different having only myself to entertain and take care of. Last year and the years before, I always had my girlfriends around to keep me company. I was never really alone a whole lot. I had me and them to entertain. And we took care of each other. We cooked for each other and had little dinner/movie parties in each others' apartments. Then last year, he and I would cook together, for each other and Jin, and then we would talk and poke fun over dinner. Not gonna lie, I do miss it a lot. I'm starting to get used to my "single life" but I won't say that I love it. Nowadays, I cook dinner on my own and keep the leftovers for lunch and dinner the next day if I can. Eating lunch every day on campus tends to get pricey, so I usually pack something and eat it in between classes or tutoring. 

Because cooking for yourself seems like such a hassle there's always the temptation to fill your stomach with whatever crap you can find. But I try not to do that because it's really unhealthy. I have an empty, un-homey living room so I don't even eat meals there like I would always do in my old apartment. Instead I eat meals in my room, sitting on my bed, watching a movie or something online, either that or talking on the phone with someone.

Sounds kinda sad doesn't it? It was a little depressing the first 2 weeks I would say... but now... I think I'm finally "used to it", I guess. It's habit now for me to get back from class, dump my bag on the ground by my bed, turn on the computer, and start loading a series/movie. Talk a little to the housemate about how our days went. Then I make dinner and plonk myself on my bed and watch the series/movie.

Then it's study time. Or at least, I try to study. o_O

Then bed time. Honestly, I don't do a whole lot after classes. That's basically my regular routine.

No dinner party to attend, or cooking dinner for a buncha people.. or cooking with someone. No playing stupid hilarious catch phrase with the roomies... or curling up and watching a movie with anyone... or laughing over dinner at episodes of Friends or Sex in the City.

When you see the same people every day in classes, it's not very often that people would want to have dinners with each other because everyone kinda wants to just go back and relax and get down to studying.

Ah, the life of a grad student! Really, not much excitement. Really not much of a social life either... tsk tsk.

You know what's sad... is that it's not really just the life of a grad student. It's more of the life of an Adult! This is how it will always be from today onwards till goodness knows when.

After all that's said, I do know however that I am not truly alone. I have been blessed and lucky to have a lot of amazing people in my life. And if not for them, I would really truly be alone. I have someone that wishes me good morning, and good night every day. I have parents who worry about how I'm spending my days. I have great girlfriends whom I'm developing even better relationships with even though we're now miles apart. I now have a place I can return to to get some love and hugs when I'm down. :)

1 Confession.

The last of the countdown.

I have too many confessions... that are difficult to put in words.

1. I am nervous of planning out or thinking about my future for fear that nothing will go as planned. Hence, I try not to build castles in my head, because I don't want to tear them down. One day at a time.... one day at a time.

2 Things you want to do before you die...

1. Move to a different country and work there for awhile. By a different country... I don't mean the US. :)

2. Pay for a holiday for my parents. They think I won't be able to do it. But I will. Hopefully. haha.

3 Things you do like...

*I guess, technically these aren't "things". Oh well.*

1. Happy times with the family. Whether it's trying a new restaurant or just taking a day trip somewhere with them. Family reunions with the aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts and uncles... They make me really really happy.

2. Dancing the night away with my girlfriends. Letting down our hair, and screaming out our favorite songs at the top of our lungs. Sober or slightly not sober.. We always end up singing our hearts out to each other, hugging each other tight, and laughing at each others' crazy dance moves. I always have the best time! :D

3. Hmm... my chagiya..! :)

4 Things you don't like!

1. Dirty People. Those who pick their nose in public. Or have dirty socks. Or even dirty nails! Or who just doesn't seem to have any sense of cleanliness. It really bothers me.

2. TOFU! Ugh. *shudder*When people say tofu doesn't taste like anything, they're lying. There's a taste that tofu has that make my tongue get grossed out.

3. Milk. Never liked it since I was 1 years old. Chocolate milk I can do. Yoghurt I can do. White milk, I Cannot Do. The smell of it makes me want to hurl.

4. People who take me for granted/take advantage of me. It's easy for friends to do that to me since I am always willing to do more than I can for them. When it happens, I start questioning our friendship and things don't really stay the same anymore.

5 People who mean a lot right now...

1. Mummy

2. Daddy

3. Jin

4. DingDong

5. Miami's AAA (for some very long reasons!)

6 Things you do before you go to bed...

1. Brush my teeth... (nothing special or out of the ordinary)

2. Pee. Always always have to pee before bed.
* Sometimes 1& 2 are done together. Haha. *

3. Put on my retainer and teeth guard.
* Just got a retainer for my upper teeth and a teeth guard for my lower teeth this past summer. Was going paranoid that my 'braces-straight' teeth was getting crooked on the top. And was worried about grinding my teeth too much that I would eventually (yikes) wear them down.*

4. Drink water. Usually half a bottle, or a full cup. Keeps my mouth from drying out throughout the night.

5. Slap on some 'White Snow' toner and lotion from The Face Shop. - only recently added this to my "before-bed-regime" because apparently according to a skin analysis I did at Sasa... I have really pigmented skin and very horrible pores.

6. Set my alarm for the next morning to begin.

7 Awesome Movies!

*this is not an ordered list. just listing down what comes to my mind as awesome movies... or more like movies that i like watching over and over again* 

1. Must Love Dogs - probably one of my most favorite romantic comedies.

2. Stepmom - i love the family interaction of this movie, and the ending never fails to make me tear up.

3. Dirty Dancing - i'm one of those girls who love dancing movies. this is one of my favorite.

4. Hachiko - just recently watched this. and bawled like a little girl seeing the dog go back everyday to the train station to wait for his owner.

5. The Breakfast Club - a classic must watch!

6. Family Stone - my favorite holiday movie. hilarious and heart warming.

7. Sister Act 1 & 2 - i know.. it's a random pick. but whoopi goldberg is so damn funny. and the singing in this movie is awesome!

8 Ways to win my heart

Aha. This is a good one. :) Let's see... I have never really thought about this.

1. I'm mush for little notes or "I miss you" texts. :)

2. Surprises make me happy. I don't mean elaborate gestures or expensive presents. I mean things like cooking me a simple meal, or showing up at the doorstep with a movie to watch together. 

*this is getting difficult. I can't even think of a number 3!*

3. I guess, knowing and remembering my likes and dislikes. But not being too "over" about keeping me from doing or maybe eating things I don't like. Sometimes doing things I don't like is good for me.

4. Hmm... being willing to listen to me. Listen to my happy rants, and my sad stupid rants. But also being able to stop me when I go to far too. I think that's important.

5. Show that you can take care of me. I am a pretty independent person. But it's nice when a guy is mature enough to look out for you, and help guide you to make the right decisions.

*I'm thinking of pet peeves that I can't stand in guys and flipping them around. :)*

6. Don't be overprotective. Cannot cannot stand that. I tend to run away from overprotective-ness.

7. I'm a sucker for hugs. I hug my friends all the time..when I see them. When I part from them. Or just whenever I feel like it. I like a guy who can give good hugs. Bear-y, warm, fuzzy hugs are the best... the ones that make you feel protected and safe.

8. Get along with my family and my close friends. That really does do a lot for me. :)

9 Things people probably don't know about you.

1. Once I start liking a person (any person), I never really stop liking him or her. I forgive easily and I make so many excuses for everything bad that they do. And I am always willing to go out of the way for them.

2. My pinkie fingers look like the side silhouette of a pregnant woman! That's what I always tell people. :)

3. When I was younger, and started the "crazy-over-korean-dramas-phase", I always told people I wanted a Korean boyfriend. And now I have one! ;)

4. I cannot sleep on a soft pillow that sinks down when I rest my head on it. They make my neck hurt.

5. I cannot stand the feeling of being lost, or looking for someone alone in an unfamiliar place. It makes me anxious and my adrenaline starts pumping even though I know that they're in the same place as me, and that sooner or later I will bump back into them.

6. I am pretty bad in directions. But I think when it comes down to my own (as you may call it) "survival", I would have to say that somehow or other, I am able to somewhat find my way around without getting too lost. Testament to that: My semester abroad in Beijing. Moving to Lafayette.

7. I am afraid of driving in the US because I feel like every itty bitty rule has to be followed when driving in the US, and it makes me really nervous.

8. I love partying, with the right people of course. I know I don't look it. But that's the hidden side of me. Aha! The hidden side until someone sees it and then it's no longer hidden anymore.

9. I was never really an emotional person until now. Now I cry (or more like bawl!) when watching movies like Hachiko. Or when watching a sappy scene in a Korean drama. Or when I get really frustrated and sad. I don't like it too much.

10 Things you wish you could say to 10 people right now...

Person 1. I hope your days are good and that you're enjoying time for yourself. You've worked hard for so long... now you get to rest and relax. I don't say it enough. I love you. 

Person 2. I know I don't say thank you enough. But I am truly thankful for everything you've done to provide for me. I hope you're proud of me. I love you.

Person 3. I hope things are good for you where you are. I imagine you up there somewhere in a soft cuddly place with akong by your side. I think back to the days when you would offer me Milo to make me feel better, or ask me to go 'bom bom'... and I end up missing you a lot.

Person 4. I miss holding your hand and crossing the road. And playing with the ring on your finger. I miss you so much.

Person 5. I'm sorry that you always had to be in the shadows. Now you have your time to shine at Miami. So far you're doing great. And I'm proud of you.

Person 6. Thanks for being my rock. I admire all that you've taken on. Always without complaint, with never-ending patience and sacrifice. You make me want to be a better person. Don't be too self-sacrificing okay? You're important too.

Person 7. Is it right for me to see you only when I'm accompanied by certain people? I enjoy the time when I'm at your place, and what I learn. But I cannot fully say that I'm one of yours.

Person 8. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not doing this alone. That all that I'm facing, you're facing too. I think it's safe to say that we're going to be just fine. :) Maybe even more than that.

Person 9. I hope work is better for you now. And there are less arguments, more happy phone conversations, more understanding and patience. Sometimes we need to give in, talk it out, and then let it go. Know what I mean?

Person 10. You haven't gotten back to me on what the sitch of things are. I hope things are good because you deserve the best. Thanks for always always being the person that I can turn to when there's no one else. You'll always be my very best friend. 

It's Raining!

It hasn't rained for almost 3 weeks here in Lafayette. Finally started pouring yesterday and its pouring today too.
Just had my first student for tutoring yesterday. Was a little nervous. But I think it went good. Today I'll have four students to tutor. Three back to back starting 9.30am and then another one between class and clinic later. Ah, I'm sooo busy! And classes have started full speed ahead... so a need to review and study every night leaves me pooped. That's why the second years always tell us that this will be our worse and hardest semester to keep on top of things. Yikes!

This weekend will be Oxford weekend. I am so excited. One extra day back in Oxbox/Hamtown because Monday is Labor Day. I miss him a lot. Can't wait to see him. :)

Okay, time to face the rain and get on the bus!