It's Rainy Outside.

It's been raining this for the past few days here in Oxford. Walking outside is like walking in a blanket of humidity. I love it. It reminds me of home. I've started missing home already, even though it's only been less than two months that I've left. That's weird huh. I think the going back and forth home has taken a toll from me. Sometimes when we have to say goodbyes, people make the comment that they wished that the person who visited them never did come, or that they never did visit the place that they did.. all because they don't want to say goodbye. All because goodbyes are just too hard. I'm different that way. I hate goodbyes, really I do. However, the sadder the goodbye, the more they get me thinking of the good memories that I've created that led up to that goodbye. Does that make sense? In a way, it gives me comfort in saying that goodbye.

I was walking along the pavements on campus amidst a backdrop of rain and red brick buildings, and I see this car stopped in front of one of the buildings and a guy and girl steps out. The guy holds his arms wide open to give the girl a hug. And there they were, raindrops on their heads. Saying goodbye to each other. Don't know who they are, or where he's going. All I know is that I stopped for a moment, just to capture that moment for myself. Then I got to thinking of the many many goodbyes that I have said throughout my life.

The goodbyes between changing schools... those really leave an impact on me. I don't remember much of the goodbyes that I said (or I hope I said) when leaving kindergarten to move on to primary school. But I remember the goodbyes I said and the tshirt signing and 'autograph book signing'  that I did on the last day of primary school. The promises that I made with some people of how we will forever stay friends. (That didn't really work out). But still. Those people, I still remember till this day. I remember the ridiculous crush I had. The quadrangle that I stared at every morning before 'beratur time' from the balcony of the first floor. I remember the boys playing sepak takraw in the morning. And the small school bus that I took every opportunity to get on at the end of school just so that I could get on the bus with certain people.

Then there was the high school goodbye. That was just a blur. Somehow I remember it being a lot of fun. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't remember much of saying goodbyes. I am still good friends with most of my high school girlfriends and I am so thankful for that. Saying goodbye to them every summer before leaving for the US.. now that's hard. I always have thoughts of whether things will change between us the next time I see them the following year. Or what if something happens and we don't stay friends any more. That's why I take every opportunity to try to meet up with them. In a way, they're the people that keep me grounded to my roots. I see them every year and I remember all that we went through together- what used to be our 'hardship of high school' that now we know isn't really real 'hardship'. We update each other on our lives and our achievements throughout the year. We offer words of comfort, words of encouragement... and exchange hugs and hand-holding. Yeah, if you don't know by now, I'm a big huggy and hand-holding person.

Soon, very very soon.. it'll be time to say goodbye to the place that I've made home for the last 3 years. To the red brick buildings that I found a pain in the butt to learn how to differentiate in Freshman year.. that I have truly learned to love. I have to say goodbye to the jobs and the people that made my jobs so worthwhile. I am so blessed to have found my niche here in Miami, I don't know if I'll be ready to say goodbye to it all. So many people go through college hating their college experience and wishing they could just 'get outta here'. I've met some amazing people who have painted colors in my life, who make me want to be a better person. If not for them and the push that they give me to achieve as much as I can here, I don't think I'll be as positive and fond of my college experience. I described my college years in my Statement of Purpose to graduate school as "not just an educational experience but also a path of self-discovery for me". Am I ready to face graduate school? Am I ready to start it all over again in a different school, and a different city on my own? Aah, all these questions.

But see what I mean... I'm not fond of goodbyes.. but the harder the goodbye, the more you know that the experience you had with that person, or that place... was so much more worthwhile to go through and later say goodbye to, than never having gone through at all. If we chose to never say goodbye to people or experiences, then we would never have anything to live for, nothing to add splashes of color and emotions to our life. Things would remain so stagnant, and life would seem so meaningless and we would never appreciate all that we are blessed with.

Hosts of Apt11's first party for the brother's birthday.

Love them

 

 A part of the scene of Apt11's party.

Happy Birthday Ding Dong! I forget how old you are already. :)

Come to the party at my place.

I never thought that I would one day be able to say that line. My parents don't like the idea of a whole lot of people over at my house you see, so I never really had the experience of parties at home (*cough* mum *cough* dad). But now that I have (or rather, my parents pay for my apartment), I can now pull that line with my friends. Isn't that exciting? Especially since my housemates and I just organized our first party in conjunction with Eugene's birthday. Exclusive only guests came for the first hour and a half and we played noisy korean drinking games (it was a whole lot of fun because everyone kept messing up even with a sober mind), socialized and caught up with friends. Half an hour before the clock striked twelve, non-exclusive (and also self-invited) guests showed up. Apartment 11 accommodated about 50-60 people that night (who would have known...)
When I grow up, I want to host parties at my house. (That is when I really own my own house) I'll do the whole deal, cater food and have those round tables and chairs set up under the blue and white/red and white tent and white table cloths. With my auto gate open (hopefully I'll be able to afford an auto gate o_O) and my living room for people to lounge around on the couch. And I'll be going around mingling and of course taking pictures of people, documenting my party. Hmm.. should I have alcohol at my party? -just bottles of chilled beers, nothing fancy. Will my Muslim friends still come if I alcohol is available? Would they be comfortable? hmm.. I have to ask Laila that question. No alcohol is good too. I like the idea of people having fun and being able to remember everything from that night. The party has to be at night of course, preferably on a Friday night. And I will have a cute outfit (I sound like Annie saying this, haha). And I'll get good girlfriends to come before to help me set up. Food food..! Very important. Roti jala and curry. I love it when I go to an open house or party and they serve roti jala! No plain white rice, nasi kunyit/nasi briyani's more fancy. No fishballs and nuggets, coz I hate those kinda party food. Papadam for guest munching while mingling. Fruit punch is a must have, with bits of fruit floating in it. Chicken rendang (so that my indian friends can have some too) and satay.. as well as a non-spicy chinese style dish. Oooh, so exciting.. I'm planning my first legit party when I own a legit house. Maybe I'll have a barbeque too, so the men can do their thing with the bbq. That always seems like their kind of domain.

I would post some pictures up to add some kind of visual perspective to how the party at Apt 11 went.. but I haven't uploaded them from my camera yet. And honestly, I only have so much time to think about parties right now. School is taking too much of my time. All I can say is that I'm glad I still haven't lost my 'do a little every day till the deadline' skill still works. Yay for me! 

Have you heard of 15Malaysia?

A friend just enlightened me about a new film project in Malaysia called 15Malaysia. If you all truly know me by now, I get really excited when good Malaysian movies and music are produced and I try to support it as much as I can. I sound like some promoter, but really I'm not. I just enjoy enjoying good Malaysian talent.

15Malaysia is a short film project. It consists of 15 short films made by 15 Malaysian filmmakers. These films not only deal with socio-political issues in Malaysia, they also feature some of the best-known faces in the country, including actors, musicians and top political leaders. You may think of them as funky little films made by 15 Malaysian voices for the people of Malaysia. -15malaysia.com

So, I will be embedding 1 film into each of my post from today forwards. Just for your enjoyment.



This is my favorite of the 15 short films. Tells the good, bad, ugly and beautiful of Malaysia all in less than 10 minutes.

Me.. these days.

Busy with school
- I was walking back from my last class yesterday at 7.15pm ish (so late, I know!) and I suddenly just started feeling really overwhelmed at everything. All that I still have to do: graduate school applications, statement of purpose, cover letters, resume, the dreaded GREs.... then the gazillion projects that have already been assigned to me: my Alternative Comm Boardmaker project, Language Awareness project, Observations assignment, readings... Ah and I started feeling really suffocated, and had to slow down my pace of walking... think about other things by looking around and people watching to Ferhad's song, 'Katakan Saja'.

Trying to get fit again
- I always tell people that the fittest that I have ever been in my life (Don't laugh. I know all of you have this image of a lembik Suling. Which is true, I'm not gonna deny.) was during that 3 months of National Service. Jeez, that was a pretty long time ago. Since then, never again have I really taken the effort to exercise. I've only been to the gym less than 10 times the entire 4 years that I have been here. Well, last Tuesday, Bridget (housemate and personal trainer) forced me to go running with her around the perimeter of campus (yeah, first time of me doing that), then run up and down the stairs of the Nature Theatre and later some cardio exercises in the living room of our apt. I'm still sore. I now walk to class all aware of my muscles and how they're aching.

Aware of the changes that Senior year has brought
- Student Manager work is really taking a toll on me, despite the fact that I'm only working there twice a week. But mind you, they're 5 hour shifts each time. Everytime I'm done, I'm just so exhausted, and after that I still have to go to class! It's ridiculously tiring. Doesn't help with people who keep bitching around about each other when it's supposed to be all about teamwork. Also doesn't help that people are underestimating each other and the other student workers, making their own job hard on them. Ah, the amateurs!
As for on the friends side,
I don't see as much of the people that I used to see all the time. I still haven't met up with some people because things are so busy and our schedules don't coincide. Friends have matured and grown-up but I still love them despite how things are different. I've learned to appreciate the changes in people and actually kinda enjoy it. I mean, what is there to not like about Bridget being single and being able to go dancing with me? And Hui being more 'spontaneous' and willing to agree to do things on the spot. And Qw being more mature about the choices she makes (I still think you've matured despite Hui's statement of you only maturing 20% more).

Oh Happy Birthday to the brother. ;D We surprised him last night at 12am with a cake that I baked!! Yellow cake. From a box of cake mix. haha. And we put m&ms on it. It was great. Woohoo! My not-so-baby brother is 21.

One of my fav pictures from this summer.

The sister decided to one day put a santa claus hat on him. So I clicked away with my camera.

This summer was a season for babies. This is Baby Kate.

Jin and dad. In the typical macho-guy picture.

The Start of Senior Year

I haven't put pictures up in ages. It's 11.12am on a Saturday morning. I feel like I never get enough sleep on the weekdays, and always have to compensate on sleep on the weekends. Some weekends, I get that compensation done, but sometimes, it just doesn't happen.

These are pictures from our first AAA event - the welcome picnic. It was a great success and of course that just makes me more excited for my last year as Exec on the board.


Ah, and have you met the new housemate, Bridget O'Connell aka B aka B.O.
Brief introduction: She's finally single. Haha. She loves Asian boys, the taller the better. If they can dance, even better! She also has a thing for Jewish guys. She says it's something about their nose and chin that's just really appealing to her. One of the many reasons why she comes to our annual Fusion show, is to watch the Korean guys (mainly) do their hiphop dance. She's such a dear, to always eat my curry even though she cannot really tahan spicy food. She always eats spicy food with a cup of milk at hand, because according to her, it gets rids of spiciness in the mouth (personally, i think it's gross, haha). The best thing about her, is that she doesn't mind having an Asian overload of people in the house. She shouts out in indignation whenever someone shouts something 'racist' or that undermines an Asian intelligence to support me. ;D

Last week, Annie's host parents drove from Columbus to Oxford to see us and our apartment. They brought the kids, the new puppy and tens of boxes of Annie's stuff.
Isn't this a great picture?! Kathy, Scott, B, Megan, Kelly and Annie (from left)

The girls were so excited that we made cupcakes for them to put icing on. It totally made their day.

The new puppy,

These are pictures of one of the humongous lecture theatres in the new business building. Yeah, Miami has a new Farmer's School of Business building. It is awesome. With comfy, rich man brown leather armchairs in the lobby for kids to study/sleep on as well as a grand piano. The lecture theatres are like state of art techno. It's ridiculous. As you can see, there are 2 levels of seating in the theatre, as well as 2 panels of white boards with each panel having 3 white boards that can be slid up and down = 6 white boards in total. Oh and 2 projector screens. Talk about wow.

Ah, remember them? It's so great being able to see them again. Except that Teresa will be gone next sem. Boohoo.

Okay and *jeng jeng jeng*! My new apartment! Apt 11, as it will be called from so forth. We honestly, have kept it relatively neat and clean. But who knows what kind of tornado will come through when it's exam week!
This is our very comfortable living room. Remember the tv and the table it's on, loveseat, the dvd shelf and that standing lamp- from Apt 114. The cosy blue round chair: courtesy of Joliana. All the rest of the furtniture: from Bridget.

This is the dining room.

And my study table, thanks to B.

This is the hallway behind the wall that my study table is against.

The bedroom! With the closet, barely able to withstand the amount of clothes Annie and I have. Then the dresser and my posters. And finally the bed. And my new picture wall right next to it.

Martians and Venutians

So I was hanging out at the brother and Dong's place 2 days ago, to try and focus on my reading of Homer's The Iliad. Yeah, I'm actually reading it for my Life and Thought in European Literature class. Which is really a joke by the way. (I sound like an American saying that, but I can't help it). On our 2nd week of class, the prof asked a kid in class to make a seating chart for him on a piece of paper. He ends up writing his name in the wrong box and makes the prof's table too big. So he was asked to re-do the seating chart. He does it wrongly again (when I say wrong, it's wrong according to the prof's perspective) so has to pass it to the guy next to him to do it. Surprise, surprise, he does it wrong too and finally a girl says loudly, "Pass it to a female to do, and they'll get it right!" and so she was assigned to create the seating chart. And she does it correctly, much to the indignation of the boys in class. Haha. So yeah, 45 minutes out of an hour and 15 minutes was used to make the seating chart. That class really takes a lot of effort to endure. Sadly, coz I love the readings for that class.Doesn't help that the prof insists on allowing 'natural light' to flow in through the windows. So I can't help but be entranced by the buses going back and forth and wishing I was on one of them.

Anyway, I digress.

As I was saying, I was in the brother's and Dong's apt that day and found a book on Dong's shelf that many of you have probably heard about or seen before: "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". I opened the book and could not help but say, "Why do you have this book on your shelf?!" and then I laughed out loud. So I start flipping the pages of the book and glanced at a few bolded statements here and there throughout the pages. Here are some of those statements that I remember, mind you, they're not word for word.

When a man tells you "I'm okay" it really means he's okay.
"REALLY??!" I ask Dong and Jin.
"Yes!"
"What if you're only saying that coz you don't want to admit it's not okay the first time we ask?"
"Well, if it's really not okay, and if we really need to talk to you, we'll come back to you"
"Hmm...." (its probably true, come to think of it..my guy friends, my brother and even my dad does come back to talk if they have to)

A man measures his success and capabilities by the amount of result he obtains from something.
"Is this true?"
"Yeah, the more your achieve, the higher your result, the more capable we feel we are"
"Jeez, you guys really need a lot of ego-fanning!"
"Well, that's just how it is!"
-__-

A man is always feeling like he's not enough for a girl or doubtful of being able to match up to her.
"No way! That cannot be right!"
"It's true!! Even when I was dating, I would always think, "Shit, what if I'm not good enough for her!""
"I always thought it was girls that felt that way"
"Trust me, guys think like that all the time"

So there you go, some food for thought. Damn, I should have borrowed that book for the girls. We could have a girls night and ponder over the advice that the book gives.
Hmm, Doonnggg, can I borrow the book?

It sucks when everyone else has problems...

Ah, for some reason or other, it seems like so many people around me are having boy problems. And it sucks for them, it sucks for me too, because I want to comfort them, and I want to tell them that everything will be okay. But how do I really know that things are going to be okay? What if things don't turn out okay? What do I tell them after that? I hate seeing them mope around and have their days ruined because of the internal conflict that they're facing with themselves and their problems. I hate seeing their tears and seeing them turn food away because they seem to have lost their appetite. I hate that question that they always ask me after talking about it: "What should I do?" Only because I wish I knew the answer and the right thing to say.

So what do I do for them? I link arms with them and tell them that things are going to be okay. And that maybe just maybe, we have to take the risk and put ourselves out there just to know how it's going to turn out (easier said than done, I know). I tell her that maybe she should get tipsy again one day and ask him over to the dancefloor (I know that's probably not the best advice). I give her a tight hug and tell her that their decision to make that phonecall to the guy with shaky hands was not a wrong decision. I tell her that at the end of it, you have to make the decision for yourself but you just have to be sure about what you're doing. I tell her that I will support all that she chooses to do and remind her that she started off being single, and if she has to end up being single again, she'll get through just fine. I make spaghetti and meatballs, scoop it on a plate for her, and listen to her talk it over. I sit in the living room with her and make sure she gets her homework done.

I tell the three of them that I will be there for them. And that at the moment , this may seem like the biggest problem ever, but soon enough, it'll just be something of the past that you will look back and laugh and learn from. Give it some time....


Did I say the right thing?
Maybe I should just Not give out 'advice' and just give them a hug and lend my ears. And of course a shoulder to cry on if necessary. Hopefully that will make them feel better.

Sigh.