My Itty Bitty Footsteps through life: It's Rainy Outside.

It's been raining this for the past few days here in Oxford. Walking outside is like walking in a blanket of humidity. I love it. It reminds me of home. I've started missing home already, even though it's only been less than two months that I've left. That's weird huh. I think the going back and forth home has taken a toll from me. Sometimes when we have to say goodbyes, people make the comment that they wished that the person who visited them never did come, or that they never did visit the place that they did.. all because they don't want to say goodbye. All because goodbyes are just too hard. I'm different that way. I hate goodbyes, really I do. However, the sadder the goodbye, the more they get me thinking of the good memories that I've created that led up to that goodbye. Does that make sense? In a way, it gives me comfort in saying that goodbye.

I was walking along the pavements on campus amidst a backdrop of rain and red brick buildings, and I see this car stopped in front of one of the buildings and a guy and girl steps out. The guy holds his arms wide open to give the girl a hug. And there they were, raindrops on their heads. Saying goodbye to each other. Don't know who they are, or where he's going. All I know is that I stopped for a moment, just to capture that moment for myself. Then I got to thinking of the many many goodbyes that I have said throughout my life.

The goodbyes between changing schools... those really leave an impact on me. I don't remember much of the goodbyes that I said (or I hope I said) when leaving kindergarten to move on to primary school. But I remember the goodbyes I said and the tshirt signing and 'autograph book signing' that I did on the last day of primary school. The promises that I made with some people of how we will forever stay friends. (That didn't really work out). But still. Those people, I still remember till this day. I remember the ridiculous crush I had. The quadrangle that I stared at every morning before 'beratur time' from the balcony of the first floor. I remember the boys playing sepak takraw in the morning. And the small school bus that I took every opportunity to get on at the end of school just so that I could get on the bus with certain people.

Then there was the high school goodbye. That was just a blur. Somehow I remember it being a lot of fun. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't remember much of saying goodbyes. I am still good friends with most of my high school girlfriends and I am so thankful for that. Saying goodbye to them every summer before leaving for the US.. now that's hard. I always have thoughts of whether things will change between us the next time I see them the following year. Or what if something happens and we don't stay friends any more. That's why I take every opportunity to try to meet up with them. In a way, they're the people that keep me grounded to my roots. I see them every year and I remember all that we went through together- what used to be our 'hardship of high school' that now we know isn't really real 'hardship'. We update each other on our lives and our achievements throughout the year. We offer words of comfort, words of encouragement... and exchange hugs and hand-holding. Yeah, if you don't know by now, I'm a big huggy and hand-holding person.

Soon, very very soon.. it'll be time to say goodbye to the place that I've made home for the last 3 years. To the red brick buildings that I found a pain in the butt to learn how to differentiate in Freshman year.. that I have truly learned to love. I have to say goodbye to the jobs and the people that made my jobs so worthwhile. I am so blessed to have found my niche here in Miami, I don't know if I'll be ready to say goodbye to it all. So many people go through college hating their college experience and wishing they could just 'get outta here'. I've met some amazing people who have painted colors in my life, who make me want to be a better person. If not for them and the push that they give me to achieve as much as I can here, I don't think I'll be as positive and fond of my college experience. I described my college years in my Statement of Purpose to graduate school as "not just an educational experience but also a path of self-discovery for me". Am I ready to face graduate school? Am I ready to start it all over again in a different school, and a different city on my own? Aah, all these questions.

But see what I mean... I'm not fond of goodbyes.. but the harder the goodbye, the more you know that the experience you had with that person, or that place... was so much more worthwhile to go through and later say goodbye to, than never having gone through at all. If we chose to never say goodbye to people or experiences, then we would never have anything to live for, nothing to add splashes of color and emotions to our life. Things would remain so stagnant, and life would seem so meaningless and we would never appreciate all that we are blessed with.