Lately, I've been thinking...

... about relationships. All relationships. Not just that between a guy and a girl, but also between friends.. maybe between family sometimes.

When do you draw the line in a relationship, any relationship... that a person cannot treat you that way? As girls, I think we fall in love with someone maybe so deeply, or we find a friend that we could truly click with in the beginning, and we get so comfortable with having that someone in your life that we lose sight of the person we were in the beginning before the relationship started. We lose sight of the expectations that we brought into the relationship, and we settle for what is given to us or what the other person can give us. I think it's a gradual process, and it's not something we notice ourselves doing, or the other person doing. Until one day, all of a sudden, it hits you... that things are different, and not at all what you had in mind coming into the relationship. But as girls, we keep wondering and hoping that if we stick it out just a little bit more, maybe things will change. Maybe that friend will stop being mean and will stop taking you for granted.. maybe that friend will realize that you're a good enough friend to keep around... Maybe that boy you love will start treating this relationship like something that's good enough to cherish just like you do. Maybe he'll start treating you like the princess of his life. Maybe, just maybe he'll start thinking of you as the person he can go to for anything in his life. Maybe, once he gets a job he'll stop hitting you or abusing you.

Maybe. Just Maybe.

When do we stop waiting for the Maybe.? And realizing that maybe she really doesn't think of you as an important enough friend to keep in touch with more often. Maybe, just maybe, she really has moved on to other friends. Maybe.. that really is the person he is, and that he really cannot change to someone else. Maybe, he really is that much of a jerk and that he truly doesn't deserve you?

Maybe we're scared of what we have to deal with, the whole ocean of emotions when we finally decide that the Maybe really is just that - a Maybe. If it's a Maybe in the beginning of the relationship, then I do think that the other person deserves the benefit of the doubt to change that Maybe to a Really. But as the relationship goes on, if the Maybe stays as it is, I've realized that that's a big red flag for us girls to start taking action. What action you may ask.. I don't know the answer to that. Maybe an action to try and change something in her or him. To stir up some kind of realization of what their responsibilities are in the relationship. But once you've done all that, and nothing has changed... maybe it is time for us to face the reality of the relationship - that maybe it has progressed to the level that it has meant to progress to, and can go no further. It's a difficult difficult reality to accept... and there's no easy way to accept it. No easy way at all.

If only we were all provided with a handbook about relationships - telling everyone what is an appropriate way to act to keep a relationship healthy and happy. The handbook should of course also tell us what to do when it's time for a relationship to end. And on the flip side, also, how to begin a relationship. It should inform us of red flags that we should be looking out for, and guide us in our decisions in a relationship. It should remind us to not lose sight of who we are as an individual.. and yet teach us how to develop and progress together as a pair. Unfortunately, there really is no such handbook. I guess that's to encourage us to learn our own lessons and to teach us to make our own decisions, and develop our own ways of line-drawing in a relationship.

I recently learned from a friend who's about the get married, that some churches in the US require a couple to attend pre-marital counseling sessions before they decide to say their vows to each other. I think that that is a really good idea. I think before I get married, I'm going to require my partner to attend a few pre-marital counseling sessions with me. Better we decide to draw the line before walking down the aisle, than having to draw a very difficult divorce line some time during the marriage. Plus, I think these sessions will help us find out inner thoughts and values that we never knew about the other person. If he refuses to attend those sessions, red flag for me to run for my life. Lol.

This year, my prayers are that my friends and I are strong enough to draw lines wherever needed to: in work, couple and friend relationships. That if shaky lines are drawn, we help each other fill in the dots and weak spots. And we are able to stay close enough to help each other up when one has fallen, even if we have to lift the person up from the ground.. we will. Also, that we throw each other lifelines to help each other swim through the crazy sea of emotions, so none of us will be flailing.

Can you tell, I love my girlfriends. They really are my lifelines. :)

Interesting that I found these on pinterest.com.