It's been a Happy, Insightful Month!

I haven't blogged in awhile... so much has happened, I don't even know where to start. Sometimes I feel like I blog just so that I can go back and read about my past memories because I more often than not don't have the ability to remember vivid details of the past. It takes a whole lot of description from a second or third person to try and jiggle my memory, and even so, things will only come back to me vaguely. When I'm in the reminiscing mood and I go back to read all that I have written, not gonna lie that even though I'm the one who wrote the posts (duh!) I still get surprised and shocked at how strongly I felt about that event at that time.. or about what happened in general because I forgot the details of it.

It will be 2 more days to a happy month for me! Yeah, this month has been great. Ever had one of those periods in your life when you rarely have horrible days. And even if people annoy you, things still look happy at the end of the day and the annoying things just fly out of your head? This month has been one of those for me. Had a few challenges but I think I've successfully tried my best to overcome them so I do feel good about myself. And I took the GRE again and I am happy with my score. It's not the best but I am happy with it. There's nothing like taking the GRE once and feeling like a loser and doubting all the choices that you made to study for it on your own. There's nothing like taking it the second time and feeling like you're going to break down during the math section because you honestly don't think you would do any better than the first time. Then there's nothing like finally getting done with the GRE and on the spot you click the button to see your results and you stare at it for a whole minute wondering how you could have gotten that score because you honestly thought you did waay worse than the numbers on the screen. Then you walk out with your butt numb from being glued to your seat for 3 and a half hours still in disbelief at your score. Then you're overwhelmed with content and relief that you don't have to make alternative plans about applying to graduate school and having to agree meekly to your parents' "I told you so! You should have listened to me and taken classes!" lecture.

For sure, I am still trying to combat that incessant case of Senioritis that every so often tends to hit me. I rarely do things at the last minute because I know that I really don't work well under pressure at the last minute. I don't do all-nighters. And I don't think well when put on the spot. But I am embarassed and guilty to confess that I have been pulling off quite a few last minute assignments this semester. And it has really bugged my conscience of being a 'good' student. I won't say that I'm the best student, but I do try. But this semester, has just been difficult for me to keep up with everything.

I just learned a very difficult lesson a few days ago, about friendships and being a support pillar to others. When do you stop judging whether or not a friend's decision is right or wrong? When do you voice out to your friends that you don't agree with the decisions they're making? Do you just watch them make their own falls, or do you still attempt to help them prevent those falls to the expense of your friendship? How do you deal with a friend overstepping the boundaries of friendship? How do you help a friend back up on their feet and give them the confidence that they can pull through the hard times? These are all such difficult questions to answer! This month, I've come to the conclusion that what I think about a friend's decisions is basically just 'what I think'. It ultimately comes down to that person's choice and the steps that they choose to take. They ask your opinion, you tell them. Then you back off and let them choose. If they start flailing because of their choices, you offer them a hand back up and a hug to reassure them that you're still there. You don't judge the choices they make even though you don't agree with them. Sure, you may not understand why they chose to make that call, or be so fast at forgiving, or for not standing by what they originally said, but it's okay... rant about it for awhile, be fiesty about it for a day, then leave it behind. That's what I always try do. Like my parents always tell me (I swear they think I get easily offended and annoyed, and yeah.. I do I guess), "Just let it go la girl. Aiyo, small things like that also get angry! How are you going to go out in life and face bigger things. All this is just small silly things!"

To you... stay strong. We'll be here for you when you need a hand. I'm happy that you took the first step. It may be a small one, but it will make all the difference.