First the Small Talk...

I had a very interesting conversation with one of my students today. His question to me was "I am not a naturally sociable person. It is very difficult for me to talk to unfamiliar people. How do I start a conversation with someone I don't know?" 

My answer: "Well, first say 'Hey, how are you?' - it's annoying and I used to wonder why the heck do Americans always ask how am I. But just do it. It makes people feel comfortable, and Americans are very used to it. Then make small talk. Ask about the class, about school, about the weekend.." 

"Yeah Americans always ask me how am I. And I think that's a very stupid question! Don't you think asking all those questions are boring? It's not interesting at all!!! " he said

"You're right, it's not interesting. But if you don't know someone and you straightaway ask him a personal question, or an 'interesting' question... it's going to be a little awkward because they don't know you well enough and may not feel comfortable." 

"Yeah. I think questions like that are so boring and uninteresting. But you are right." 

"Just start with small talk. And work your way from there. You have to first talk about 'on the surface' topics and then move into deeper topics as you know them better. I know it sucks. And I hate it too. But then when you think about it, when you first met your lab mates you had to make small talk too and then gradually you start moving to deeper topics as you get more familiar with each other." 

"Sometimes I get so lazy to talk to people. Coz I'm like, 'This is so boring! Asking all these stupid questions to get to know people'. But I guess I should start doing more of it to get to know more people." 

"Haha, I understand. I get like that too. I hate making small talk with people and asking stupid questions. But it'll be worth it when you make a friend right? Plus it's not like you have to do it all the time. Push yourself to do it at times for practice and to get to know more people. But you don't have to do it all the time!" 

"Okay. I will listen to you and take your advice." 

Honestly, I hate small talk too. Had to do so much of that in the beginning of my semester at Purdue. It was torture. Asking everyone their names, and where they went to school for their undergrad. Where they were from. yada yada... and the worse part, not being able to remember much of anything that they told you. Not even their names. But I guess that's the first step to any relationship/friendship. The surface first. Then peel the layers to get to the core. :)