There are good days, then the cloudy days...

Some days, things have really been looking up for me. I meet new people. I walk around and I admire the view. I see a pretty flower. I think about how lucky and grateful I am to be in Purdue... and how great an opportunity I am offered to be able to learn and work with brilliant people, and be a part of the 2nd best Speech Pathology masters program in the whole of the United States.

Then some days, everything just seems so down and dreary. And a horrible feeling of loneliness set in. Ever had those days? Where you just feel so out of control and you have no idea what the hell you're doing? Yeah, I probably have one of those days every week. Kinda sucks. A day when you think "What the hell is wrong with me?? What triggered this craziness?" Then you just feel like you need to cry on someone. But then, it's really depressing to cry just on that one person every single time. You just want someone to make you feel better, to pat your head, give you a hug and say "It'll be okay!". But then, you don't really have any one physically around to do that either. So you do it by phone. To hear someone's, anyone's voice telling you to "Be Strong" and to give you courage. That's what I always do... but then now I think.. me!... I should try to make my own self feel better. That's what I should do. I shouldn't always rely on others to cheer me up. I really should try to cheer my own self up! Wishing that someone was around, won't make anything change. I am on my own now. This is going to be my life. And only me can make me happy! *I can hear Elizabeth Gilbert's journey in "Eat, Pray, Love" talking*

So from today onwards, whenever I feel like crying... I am first going to attempt to cheer my own self up. Watch a stupid video on youtube.. maybe one of those crazy japanese game shows. Or munch on a chocolate bar while listening to happy clappy music. Or take a shower, cry it out and then wipe myself and all the sadness off. Do whatever it takes, and then only call someone if nothing at all works.

One thing I learned about me throughout these few weeks, is that I cannot stand feeling helpless and insecure. I cannot stand waiting around for the buses, never knowing what time they're going to come. I feel helpless and out of control and anxious just waiting and waiting. Helplessness... leads to me feeling totally insecure... leads to me getting really anxious... causing frustration... hence the breakdown.

Aih, Suling.. Suling! Get a grip will you?