I'm a control freak!

At Social Dance today, amidst swing dancing and waltzing with a random guy (with quite a lot of facial hair I must say, and for some reason reminded me of a Jewish version of Steve Carell because of his very 'staring' eyes), I realized that I am somewhat of a control freak. In most of the partner dances like swing and waltz, it is the guy who takes the lead. It is the guy who decides which move he wants to do with the girl, and then it is he who moves her from position to position and who lets it be known to the girl that he is the one in charge by taking the first step. Yeah, today especially, I kept on taking the first step without following what the guy wanted me to do. I thought to myself, "What the hell is wrong with you! Take a step only when the guy does! Don't just do it on your own!" Yeah, I kept telling myself that countless of times but that didn't work. My feet just kept going the way I thought we were going (or we should be going) when really, that wasn't what the guy had in mind. I mean, I guess I can always blame it on him for messing up his 'step step rock step' in swing and for always starting with a step back instead of a step front for the waltz, or for not squeezing my hips hard enough when moving me in position that I was completely unaware of the move he was making... but actually, it's also me. I kept thinking in my head, this is what's next and then it's that.. and so I just do what I thought was right instead of willingly letting the guy take the lead and following after him. Does that mean I'm hard-headed and always wanting to have the 'upper hand'? Aiyo, not really also I don't think. I'm quite soft aren't? I'm 温柔.. soft and feminine, according to my Chinese tutor. I guess even despite that, I still always try to exercise control on people closest to me.. not so much my close friends, but I guess my family members, my brother especially! But yeah, I do often like being in control... I guess it makes me feel safer and secure that things will go my way... although we all know that that is so not true!

Can't really say that I am always wanting to be in control too... coz depending on situations, I am much of a pushover too! Anyway, I had to attend my first Oxford Social Dance last weekend with Dong and it was so much fun! There were some serious dancers there that could tango and rumba for real! Dong and I just did the waltz and swing, with limited moves. Haha. I still prefer the waltz to the swing, although I really do like the twirling and swinging around of swing dancing... Waltz just has always been like the Cinderella dance to me and I have always wanted to learn it. And now that I have, I love it! I love how it's so fluid and graceful. Throughout the night, Dong kept telling me, "Suling!! I didn't push you! You're not supposed to move!" or "Where are you going missy? I haven't started the step yet!" And me, I kept going "Sorry sorry sorry!!! I didn't know you haven't stepped yet!" Damn, really need to learn to take a step back sometimes! I'll try. Lent starts today, maybe that should be my informal thing to try for Lent... taking a step back in close relationships, and being less bossy? Ugh, so hard so hard!

 My hershey kiss will be gone tomorrow! :D