A Quiet Weekend.

Not many people are around on campus this weekend.. because it's Fall break weekend.
(not like it's that much of a break actually, more like just a three day weekend)
But hey, doesn't hurt to get slightly excited about it.
There are hardly any cars zooming around. There are hardly any people in general anywhere. Uptown is rather dead. It's kinda nice.

Me? Ah, I should use this weekend productively. As productive as possible and get all my shite done.

I don't know what it is, but it seems like there was a misery bug going around last week. Everyone looked down and felt down... and problems just seemed to be cropping up like when you least expect them to. And the weather, ah, it is FREEZING here. It's been wet and rainy the past week, not very exciting weather to wake up to every morning. Sigh. Let's hope the weather man does not disappoint us next week. At least it's bright and sunny today. The girls and I plan to take advantage of the lack of students around, take a "photo walk" around campus and have some fun.

I haven't been able to sleep soundly last week and it was really bothering me. I kept running through the long list to crap that I have before going to bed every night and it was really driving me crazy. I think about graduating and whether I will be able to survive graduate school, or even if I will be able to get into graduate school and I start worrying even more. I try to erase things from the 'blackboard' in my mind but it just keeps appearing on it. I erase and erase to no avail. Finally, I fall into a sleepless slumber (I read that phrase once in a book, haha). Or I have dreams of me running around, chasing something or someone that I can't remember. Then I wake up the next morning, feeling like I haven't had an ounce of sleep. I roll out of bed and give my housemates a "I'm pathetic" look and then proceed to get ready to go to class.

That has been me for the past week. Very unappealing, very unexciting... Bosan nyerrr...

I've been thinking... how do you know whether or not you're making the right decisions all the time? I keep going over things in my head, back and forth, back and forth... and then I think about how stupid I am for going back and forth and that I should just act on it instead of being a loser and filling up my mind with these stupid thoughts of thoughts. Then I act, and things backfire. Really backfire. Ah.. the irony of life. It keeps trying to get back at you no matter how hard you try.

This past week, I realized how lucky I am to know the things that make me happy: my home, my parents, my siblings, my friends and doing the things I love (things as small as painting my nails to the perfect smoothness and shininess gets me content). I never realized that there are people out there who find it difficult to answer the question of "What makes you happy?" or "Who makes you happy?" I was lucky enough to have had a childhood and a life that has been filled with fulfilling experiences that have taught me what it means to be happy, and what it means to love other people. I get off the phone with my friends and I think of how much they have changed my life and I just have to smile. I sit down to dinner with my family at home and I think of how much they have done for me and I feel so so glad that I have good relationships with each one of them. My experiences as a Speech Pathology major makes me so proud of what I will be capable of doing and all the worries of grad school applications temporarily go away and I remind myself that all the challenges that I have to go through will be worth it. Going dancing at the club for even an hour with the right people gets me on cloud nine and I leave the club feeling like I have the best life ever. Sadly, there are people who don't have the same feelings as I do.

Is it possible to feel empty inside, to not know what it means to be happy or to feel loved? 

How does a person love someone else if they don't know the happiness of loving other people?  

How do you build relationships if you are incapable of wanting to make others' happy just by doing small acts for them?